Thursday, October 22, 2009

You Can See Russia From Here

 

If you haven’t been following the Alaskan Journey, here are the previous entries:

The ‘Early’ Beginning of Our Journey

Welcome Aboard Wednesday

Inside Cruisin’

Catch Me If You Can, Alaska

Remember The Night We Hijacked a Piano Bar?

Oh, Jew Know

and

I Ditched My Fag To Go To Skag {Way}

Our trip was approaching the final days and our last port before being dropped off for good was Sitka. 

Anyone seen The Proposal?!?!  Even though it wasn’t exactly filmed in Sitka, the story took place in Sitka. 

There is a lot of Russian culture remaining in Sitka, as it was the Capitol of Alaska when the state still belonged to the Russians. 

The cruise ship couldn’t get close enough to the docks due to shallow waters, so this is the only port where we had to be tendered to land via the lifeboats.  It was really odd because the music playing on the lifeboat was the theme song from Titanic. A little creepy, but okay…

We perused the town and the shops {duh!} and found some really cool Russian-influenced buys and then of course headed to go eat.  I mean, what else did we go on this trip for?  We split off in two groups, and the Brown twins and I headed to a little crab shack/patio type place.  Really it was a glorified picnic tent, but whatev. 

They were selling these monstrous crab legs for $20 PER.LEG.

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Normally, they sell a cluster of those crab legs for $20, however when a cruise ship comes into town, they jack their prices way up because they know they can rip off tourists.  Those mothers… 

However, when we were purchasing our clam chowder, reindeer sausage, etc., we noticed the sign hadn’t been changed and we asked since it said the true price, if we could get a cluster for $20 rather than just a leg.  This she{male} flipped out, turned the sign around and had some pretty harsh words for us.  I can’t really describe this woman, except that she was definitely a character.  I’ll let the pictures do her justice.

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She looked so familiar to me, and I couldn’t place where I might have seen such a lady person before., until it hit me.  I’ve seen her on 50 First Dates.  You know Adam Sandler’s weird he/she counterpart at the aquarium? 

After eating, the boys and I headed up to Sitka’s Fire Department where we met Howie, a wee little pocket person that was just as nice as could be.

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Howie gave us some directions on where we could hike to possibly see some bears.  Upon our journey, we stopped off at a neat little cemetery.  It was cool to see such old, withered headstones.  Well it was until we realized it was more of a children’s cemetery.  Talk about Debbie Downer!

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We continued our walk a bit further until we came across the bridge over the creek – the one Howie directed us to.  It was beautiful!  And sure enough…guess who was there waiting for some food?  Da Bears! {to be read in the SNL Da’Bears skit voice}

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Seeing the bear pretty much concluded our Sitkan adventure, as in order to get back to the boat in time, we had to wait in an extremely long line for the lifeboats to take us back.  Sitka was neat, however, I could do without if I chose to go back again. 

When I got back to my room, I noticed my bed had been turned down but there wasn’t a towel buddy waiting for me.  I was a little annoyed that I didn’t have a special friend for the day, until I walked around the corner and found him.  Love it!

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Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Mortification Magnet

That’s what I am.

The sis went to Europe back in May and was kind enough to bring me back a couple of prizes.  The first one was a fake silly gift, and the other was a pair of super cute Turkish earrings.  She gave them to me when Daddy and I went to visit her in July {which I still need to blog about.  But I need to finish Alaska first.  God, I suck!} and I put them in my purse and forgot about them.  Well, not the earrings, but the pseudo prize.

I guess over time, this little gem may have fallen out of my purse and had been hiding somewhere under the driver’s seat of my car until I stumbled upon it sometime last week.  I enjoyed a quick giggle and just laid it down in my cup holders and went on about my business.  No big deal.  There was plenty of crap on top of it {so I thought} for someone not to notice, but apparently, I must have thrown some of that trash away, leaving it open for the public viewing.  Didn’t think twice about it.

Friday afternoon, I called to have the valet guys at work bring my car up so I could leave for the weekend.  I got in, buckled up and raced towards home, but it wasn’t until I reached the Tollway that I noticed they had found my little prize.  Not only had they seen it, which was bad enough, they also decided to display it oh so nicely for everyone to gawk at. 

Shit!

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Tuesday, October 6, 2009

My Little Assistant

 

I had a special visitor at work yesterday and she helped me tackle my to-do list.  What a good little helper she is!

I first put her to work as my receptionist.  She did a wonderful job of screening my calls and getting me in touch with the appropriate people. 

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Then she helped me sort through tons of resumes.  Like myself, she hardly appreciated this task. 

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But she was able to move on to the good stuff.  Conducting real business via emails and the phone.  She really knows how to close a deal!

No, the deal is 25%.  Take it or leave it!”IMG_1345

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This baby made some money today. Holla!

Aw yeah, I’m about to buy me some new shoes!”IMG_1342

Now that the serious bid-ness was all done, she got to sit back and tend to some personal matters.  You know like scoopin’ up all the good gossip.

She did what?!?!  But she’s not even that cute…”IMG_1348

With a successful day under her belt, she was able to go home full of pride. 

Good job today, self.  God, I’m awesome!”IMG_1333

She grabbed her things and hit the door, not even looking back.  What a sassy little assistant. 

Let me just get my Prada purse and I’m up out this place!IMG_1350

Thanks so much for all your sweet help, lil’ missy.  Can’t wait for you to come visit again. 

Love you!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Beer Coaster Trivia

While waiting at the bar of the Skagway Fish Co., we spotted a series of coasters with trivia questions. We sorted through stacks and stacks of these things, making sure we had one of each, so I believe I’ve got one of each of the nine.

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Being so lame, I collected my stack and brought them home with me. As a bar souvenir, I guess? Not really sure what I’m going to do with them, but since I have them, we can play the game of trivia. Wait, I’ve got doubles of one – okay there are only eight. Damn!

1. What is Bottom Fishing?

a) What singles do at bar closing

b) Asking “Does this make my butt look big?”

c) Jigging bait on the ocean floor

d) Digging for cash to buy another Alaskan beer

2. What is an Alaskan chum?

a) Buckets of halibut bait

b) Dog salmon

c) Slowest person fleeing a bear

d) Whoever picks up the bar tab

3. What is a Humpy?

a) If we have to tell you, obviously you haven’t had one lately

b) Pink salmon

c) Your friend’s overly friendly dog

d) A dance club move

4. What are Mukluks?

a) Moose droppings

b) Furry warm boots

c) An unlucky person

d) Whale blubber delicacy

5. What is a Hoochie?

a) Scantily clad woman

b) Fishing lure

c) You wouldn’t take him home to meet mom

d) Followed by Coochie

6. What are Grundens?

a) Small bait fish

b) Alaskan formal wear

c) Snowboard move

d) Rough weather fishing attire

7. What is Riding the Pot?

a) One tamale too many

b) Unpopular weight loss program

c) Jumping on top of a crab pot as it slides across an icy deck

d) Carnival ride

8. What is a Sucker Hole?

a) Missing boat plug

b) Glimpse of blue sky through the clouds

c) Hole in your pants where your wallet used to be

d) Dive bar after midnight

I wish I was really cool and talented and give you the answers upside-down and backwards, you know, like they do in the magazines….

Well the answers are as follows:

1-c; 2-b; 3-b; 4-b; 5-b; 6-d; 7-c; 8-b