MDO

Mother's Day Out = Margeaux's Day In

I just received this email from my sister. I love this!

So in trying to figure out what to do with Margeaux while I ran off to study and take my exam this morning, I thought that I would lock her in my kitchen by putting chairs between the doorway of the kitchen and my room. Well, I wasn't too confident that would work, but I also didn't expect her to break through them before I even got to the front door. I thought it would at least take her, oh I don't know, two minutes! So I decide to shut my bedroom door thus confining Margeaux to my living room. But there is only one problem - my bedroom door doesn't shut all the way. And in trying to jam it shut, I had to remove the pink boa that hangs over my door (for lack of a better place to hang it). B/c I was in a hurry, tired, and not thinking straight, I took it down and just hung it over my ironing board, which is also in my room. Sooo, I leave Margeaux in the living room and hope that the door is jammed enough to prevent her from getting through it. Well, needless to say, Margeaux made it into my room. I came home and found my pink feather boa in pieces on my bed, a ribbon that had been wrapped around a gift in the living room was also on my bed, along with a track jacket that had been in my dirty clothes, my blue croc (shoe) that was in my closet, and a little stuffed monkey that had been sitting on a chair. She even had a pink feather dangling from her mouth when I walked in. Oh, and one in her water bowl too. But nowhere to be found were the stuffed little toys that I bought Margeaux to entertain herself while I was gone. I'm still picking up pink feathers all over my apt, and finding them tucked in every crease of my sheets and bedspread.

Here is evidence of Margeaux's fun morning! And no, of course I didn't discipline her. I couldn't! It was wayyyy to cute and can you really blame a girl for wanting to play with a pink boa? Honestly! :)

Long Overdue

So some have heard stories of the infamous Sheryl, and others haven't, but I can guarantee that in no way will this entry give full-justice to the complete amazement we witnessed first-hand last Wednesday night. Somehow, these interesting creatures just find us! The day after, we all compiled our pictures and a list of what we could each remember from the night, and Kacy took the responsibility of putting it all into a literary masterpiece. Oh, and the best part is after Kacy posted the blog on MySpace, it immediately became the #1 most popular blog in it's category...in all of MySpace. HAH! The following story is from Kacy's perspective.


***Ode to T-Shirt Dress Girl***

It's been a while since the girls got together for Happy Hour … I've been really busy at work the past couple of weeks, Tammi had been on a cruise, Harris was getting her face painted, Lane has 4,673 wedding and baby showers to plan and attend and I think everyone else has been pretty busy too. But, finally on Wednesday we were able to get together for our regular Wednesday HH.

We change up our venue almost every week and chose Two Rows this week. Tammi actually suggested it and it's probably the best decision she has ever made in her life. Quite honestly, I will probably go to her with all the major decisions in my life going forward.

Let me also say that this story is border line unbelievable and even comes full circle like no story you have ever heard before. It's a very magical story.

It all started very innocently. We were just sitting around a couple of pulled-together high-top bar tables ordering drinks and appetizers, per usual. It was me, Lane, Robyn, Harris, Tammi & Marcus. I began to notice that everyone kept staring just past Marcus. I finally pop my neck around to see what all the buzz is about and OH MY GOSH …

When I first laid eyes on Sheryl, who would quickly become my new BFF, she was drinking beer from a straw, wearing a T-Shirt dress and had her hands halfway up the thighs of a gay man. A classic sight.

After yelling at my "friends" for not alerting to me to this golden nugget find of people watching sooner, I decided that something had to be done. Just as that happened, though, I caught a whiff of cucumbers. I said to Marcus, "I smell cucumbers." (If you know me, you know I'm a real good smeller.) We both turn to look at this guy walking by our table. He's dirty. He's long-haired. He's homeless. He has a back-pack full of sticks. I mean like big honkin' sticks, stickin' out the back of his back pack.

So I said, "Or sticks."

Do cucumbers smell like sticks? Do sticks smell like cucumbers? Possibly.

We all thought this was totally bizarre but, I thought that maybe he whittled for a living. That did not turn out to be true, however. He is writing his last book, though. Whatever that means.

Lane & Robyn got to talking to the manager about both 't-shirtdress girl' and 'stick boy'. Come to find out 't-shirtdress girl' had gotten kicked out of Two Rows a few weeks ago and 'stick boy' actually used to work at Two Rows but they had to fire him … I can't remember why, but it seemed valid. It was really odd that these two characters couldn't stay away from the calling of the fresh brewed Two Rows dollar draft beers. Whatever the case, I was heaven. I decided, again, that something had to be done.

Sheryl, a.k.a. 't-shirtdress girl' was really putting on a show at the bar. Leaning back in her chair with her boobs pointing to the sky, diving into her purse/bag and re-applying make-up non-stop and feeling-up Adam, her gay friend who she obviously does not know is gay.

Finally the curiosity killed me and I walk over to Sheryl and tell her how much I like her shoes. Her shoes were one half wood and one half 4.5 inch heels. I just needed an 'in' to get to know her better and boy howdy, that's all it took! I'm kicking myself for not getting video. I can't explain to you the druken, drugged, stupor of this woman but she made for one of the most entertaining Happy Hours EVER!!!

She quickly began to tell me that they were Jessica Simpson shoes and that no one else would buy them because they were too tall. But, she bought them because she does not own one single pair of flats. In fact, she gave me a very inspiring speech about how, to walk in such tall shoes, you must first find your center. I'm not sure if she's ever done yoga or not, but it sure sounded like it! She also told me that the manager's at DSW know her and when she goes in there she literally hyperventilates. She demonstrated.

I went on to tell her that she actually looked like Jessica Simpson. She said she gets that all time and goes into a whole story about how she grew up 2 blocks from Jessica Simpson and they were recently in the hospital at the same time, only rooms apart. She disclaimer-ed this by telling me that she doesn't follow Jessica news, but her friends do and they tell her. I try really hard not to laugh out loud in her face, look over at Lane and wink, and then delve back in by telling her that it's a high possibility that her and Jessica were separated at birth.

Then, for the pure entertainment factor and the proimse of good blog, I invite Sheryl and Adam to join our table. She was at our table with her straw and beer before you could say "I'm a Jessica Simpson wanna be."

We gather around her like flies and give her the 100 million question run down. First of all, meet Sheryl:

Also meet Sheryl's T-Shirt Dress and Baby-T. The guy next to her became referred to as Baby-T for obvious reasons. I asked him, later in the evening, after several drinks, if he was gay. He said he wasn't. So, I asked him what was with the baby t-shirt. Somehow, I also gave him my number and he texted me the next day and it said, "Hey, It's JT, the non-gay guy." Whatever dude. Adam called this shirt "tragic!"
As we began to talk to Sheryl more and more we found out some very interesting facts. First of all, she claims that her T-Shirt dress is Vera Wang and she got it for $40. She also got one in black. I'm not sure why you would buy one at all … everyone knows that my grandma can make one of those out of two Hanes XL T-Shirts for about $7.99 just like she did for me when I was 8 years old. But, whatev.

Now, Sheryl has some really fake blonde hair, 47 layers of makeup and Sugar Bronzer on, is wearing a T-Shirt dress and more lip-gloss then Cover Girl has ever produced … so, we want to know what she does for a living. We were expecting stripper, bartender, Hooters girl, or cross-dresser but NO! Sheryl is an Image Consultant. Yes, you read correctly. She's been doing it for 20 years. In fact, she said she can never even get any time for herself because all her friends want her to take them shopping. True story people. There is no way to make this crap up.

We also learned some other key points about Sheryl that will make you pee a little:

· She said that a good make-up look for the office is blue and purple eye shadow with white sparkles.
· We asked her what her biggest make-up tip was and she said: "You've got to put on fake eyelashes before going out."
· She keeps all her make-up in gallon sized freezer ziplock bag in her purse. She showed us. It was old and crusty, probably from the 80's.
· She likes to chant. The only one we heard though was, "We like Pills! We like pills!" I chanted along just for fun. Duh.
· She did an awesome leg extension in the middle of the bar. All the way in the air. Even her t-shirt dress couldn't cover it all up. Sick.
· There will be a diving contest at Sheryl's pool party this weekend. I am invited.
· She is moving into a new house this weekend and has the biggest room in the house. It is going to have couches and stuff in it so we can hang out in there.
· She will be living with someone she doesn't really know, named Wendy. She met her at Shuck n' Jive. Classy.
· She enjoys being an image consultant because it's about her clients, not her. She doesn't want all the attention on her, which, to date, is the biggest crock of crap I've ever heard.
· She's missing her back molar.
· She started humping a dude at the bar who was wearing a beret.
· She gave us each a tip on our looks:
o Tammi: "You think you have it going on already, but you DO need a change"
o Harris: "You need to chop off your hair and dye it gold."
o Kacy: my face is round so chop my hair off and angle it to the front. Her direct quote makes no sense unless you're watching her swing her arms fanatically, "I'm gonna go with THIS and swing it like THIS and fluff it like THIS and then some of THIS all in HERE" but she agrees that I should stay with dark color. Whew. I was concerned.
o Lane: needs to come out of her box, throw some color into her life, chop her hair off, make it spiked and dye it "hot mahogany". "I'm gonna go with you with a little bit of hot mahogany."
o Marcus asked her if she could help him. She said, "no". Haha!
o Then, she gave us all a speech about being proud of who we are. She said that you need to love YOU for YOU and recondition your brain on the things that you don't like about yourself. It was very touching.
· She has a hearing problem. I asked her 3 times to her face where Adam went and she stared blankly into the midst … then just popped up and said, "In the bathroom." I'm not sure it was a hearing problem so much as too many pills.
· She has a "sponsor". Per Adam …
· She told me that Del Friscos is the place to meet men. She is currently dating 4 guys she met there. Um ... Right.
· She tried to get me to leave with her.
· She would never tell me where she got her Vera Wang dress.
· She claimed that her ex husband looks exactly like Nick Lachey.
· She wouldn't tell us who, exactly, she has re-styled celebrity-wise but then it came out out that she just works at the Smashbox makeup counter - so she either works at a mall or at an Ulta.

Lastly, and pretty much the best part is that we asked Sheryl to put some make-up on us. She first got out her Sugar Bronzer and made us pass it all around and each person was supposed to put some one. Frankly, I was scared of cooties but I did it anyway. She pretty much yelled at us to put some on so I was a little scared not to. Then, she put 45 gallons of lip gloss on both me and Tammi. I'm not an "image consultant" but, I think keeping lip gloss ON the lips is pretty much a no-brainer.

One thing, though ... as she was applying my liner I was totally cracking up and she looked at me, straight faced, and said, "Can you be serious please?" HAHA! I died! Who was she trying to kid?
Don't worry - I've had my shots.

One small disclaimer to this story. Tammi dug up a story about Sheryl's T-Shirt dress and it is actually Vera Wang:

Vera Wang Reinvents the T-shirtIn the interview before the show, Ms. Wang said she felt she could differentiate her Kohl's merchandise from her high-end looks, even though the T-shirt look plays a big role in both lines. "There are certain deliveries in the future Kohl's line that you will see that are about T-shirt dressing — and the T-shirts are adorable — but they are not the T-shirts I am doing in my collection," Ms. Wang said. "Those T-shirts are a different quality of cotton. And what we add to those T-shirts, and the way they are cut and the volumes they have, are very different." (Her runway pieces included a brown sheer viscose silk jersey apron over an ivory silk T-shirt dress and a plum cotton knit long-sleeved T-shirt with a washed georgette fabric insert in the back.)

I don't care if they are calling it a "sheer viscose silk jersey apron" now days … it's still a T-Shirt dress to me.

Now … the full circle part.

Marcus and I were driving to dinner the next day, about 8 miles away from Two Rows, and saw Stick Boy walking down the road. No lie. I had my camera out in 2.8 seconds and snapped the stick pack!

And, Harris went to Happy Hour, in Frisco, on Thursday night and guess who was there? SHERYL!!! She had to remind her who she was and that they had met the night before. Oh, and she was wearing jeans. What are the odds?

Also, I guess I gave Sheryl my number. She left me a voicemail ending with "love ya" and has been texting me non-stop to hang out with her.

Somebody shoot me.

More to come I'm sure ... apparently Sheryl and I were meant to be.

So, one of the better parts of this story, is that while we were deeply involved in this fabulous encounter, people wouldn't stop coming up to our table. We had on-lookers from all over the bar approach us with their cameras, asking if we could manage to get a shot of greatness with their camera with Sheryl wasn't looking. I also have several business cards in my camera case, and I had to email pictures to complete strangers. I got a few responses back from this girl asking if she and her friend could join us next time for happy hour, because they've never seen anything so funny in their life. We're making new friends. I even had to email pictures to the manager, because he thought it was so great! Somehow we always become popular!

Getting Closer

Having made it through another baby shower for Miss Claire only means one thing...it's getting closer to her due date. Danette, Kay and Abby were so kind to give Maegan a beautiful shower.

I spent Friday night at Danette's house, along with mom, Abby, Kay and of course Blayne. We chopped and peeled and iced and filled and sprinkled and shredded until we couldn't do it anymore. I was excited for the shower though, because I knew the spread was all homemade and was going to be DELICIOUS! We had chicken salad and croissants, Upside Down Banana Walnut French Toast, a cheese & fruit tray, Quiche Lorraine, Double Lemon Poppyseed Cheesecake Muffins, tasty veggies, and of course cupcakes. There were double chocolate sprinkled with raspberry filling and topped with fresh chocolate shavings, lemon-filled white cupcakes with buttercream frosting and topped with homemade gumdrop flowers, and a special request from Maegan, spice cake with cream cheese frosting. YUM!

Maegan received lots of great presents. The big items included the bedding, high chair, swing, bouncer, diaper genie and an extra carseat base. The smaller items included clothes, clothes and more clothes! :) Claire Elizabeth will be so trendy!

Maegan, her mom and her aunt were all very impressed with the talent that was put into some of the gifts. Maegan will soon be joining Abby in 'Danette and Lane's School of Craft.'
This blanket was made by Doneva's 92 year old mother-in-law. How cool is that?

Maegan didn't know so many things could be made out of diapers, especially a wreath!

I had originally started making a diaper cake for her, but I got too frustrated and tore it apart. I also made cute letters to hang on her wall, but Maegan's aunt had also gotten some, so I found an alternative solution. I stained a raw-wooded crate and put the letters and 'Princess' embelishments on it, so now she has a toy box...or A Great Crate as I call it. I stuffed it full of diapers, bottles, receiving blankets and a few personalized gifts. I had my good friend Cara make the adorable door hanger that matches the quilt. When Claire arrives, I'll write all her birth information on it and we'll hang it from the hospital door. A big surprise to Maegan was the white frame. She had written a letter to Claire, and I am sneaky and got ahold of it. I printed the letter on pretty pink vellum and layered it over sweet scrapbooking paper. She was very surprised! :)

Danette and Kay are also pretty crafty and sewed these adorable personalized burp cloths. The fabric they used was just precious!

Danette and Kay were kind enough to put together a gift basket for my mom, since she'll need some stuff at her house when she babysits Claire during the week. They also sewed personalized burpcloths that were LSU and New Orleans themed. My dad already says they are far too precious (read as in like a precious diamond, not something adorable) for a baby to spit up on.

All in all, it was a very nice and successful baby shower. That's 3 down, 1 to go, but really, I think the only thing we're missing is the baby! C'mon Claire - we're waiting for you.

Old Balls

Happy 34th Birthday Chris!!!

I hope you get something special in your box!

Misfits

How can most of my friends be so different from me? Like I said - somehow, it just works!

Meet Kristy

Meet Kristy's Lips

Meet Kristy's Traveling Lipgloss Collection

At least we've got the common factor of Monday Night Dinner & The Bachelor Party.

That's Not Kosher

Some say cheap, some say Jewish, some say frugle, some say smart - to each their own. But what I say is this is just not quite right.

My parents took a break from working in the yard on Saturday to head over to the local Sonic for a tasty treat. They're really into saving their money right now since every free penny is spent on the new baby or paying for our upcoming wedding vacation to the beach. Instead of spending money on a hot dog, fries AND a drink, they decided to just purchase the hot dogs. So there they sit, in the Sonic drive-in on Jupiter Rd., chompin' on a footlong chilldog and a bag of fritos and washing it all down with 2 refreshing Diet Cokes. Where did they get the fritos and frosty bevs, you ask? They're planners ... and cheapskates, and brought their own stuff to Sonic. It's okay to laugh, shake your head, or for those who really know them, you'll just nod and realize that doesn't even surprise you the least bit.

Junkies

My brothers are junkies, everyone knows it. We have to congratulate both Abby and Maegan for surviving their first full rookie season of college football, and now must apologize that we're in the heart of hockey and basketball season. On SuperBowl Sunday, Maegan said that it was her favorite day of the year, because sports were ending until September, but little did she know.
Mark has also made comments about needing to run cable to the nursery for two specific reasons.

1. If he needs to rock the baby in her room, then he needs to have all-time access to his televised game.
2. If a big game is on, he needs to watch it on the big screen, so she'll need to watch her cartoons in her own room.

Maegan has been busy setting up the nursery and has it looking so sweet. The first contribution Mark adds to the room is the tv. Right in the middle of the dresser. Totally doesn't fit with the theme of the room at all, but he insisted on it staying. When he went to work, she gathered up all her strength and moved it to the closet.

Scott is equally as bad, and we joked that when he was looking for jobs after the military, he was going to have to find one that let him off for the entire fall season. To him, college football games are bigger than national holidays, and he won't live without a game. That goes the same for the Mavs and the Stars. Last night, another big storm hit the metroplex and knocked out their satelite signal in the middle of the Stars vs Ducks playoff game 4. He couldn't get ahold of Mark for score updates so he had to drop to the low. Gather up his belongings, a beverage and such, run out in the pouring rain to his truck, where he could turn on the radio and listen to the game. In his truck. In the driveway. With lightning, thunder and hail all around. That's when you know you're a fan!

Because I'm Compassionate Like That

I'm going to go ahead and toot my own horn. *Toot* *Toot!* I seriously am one of the kindest people that work in this building, and am often frustrated when the other people around here think they have some sense of entitlement.

Like the girls who cut me off in the parking lot driving their oversized Lexus and Mercedes SUV's so they can get the parking spot in front of Starbucks. They're all cute in their Louis Vuitton workout gear, their hair and makeup is perfectly done, but they're in such a rush to get their grande, straight-up mocha whip latte with skim milk and a shot of expresso, dry ... or whatever the hell it is they order. Once they've gotten their beverage, I figured they'd fly out the door, slam their car in reverse and haul ass to the gym, a tennis lesson, or a junior league meeting, or something equally as important. No, they sit in a circle with other people just alike and have social hour. Here I am, rushing to get to my office, so I can go to work and make the minimal $5 it takes for me to spend it on a very special day for a very special coffee. I hate that they think they're so much more important than me. Today, I saw a girl wearing oversized sunglasses, doing her prissy strut from her Lexus (which she took my parking spot I was waiting for) to Starbucks, and she tripped. She looked around to see if anyone was watching, she caught my gaze, I laughed.

I'm also really kind when it comes to holding doors for someone I see walking across the parking lot towards the building, and I'll wait an awkwardly long time with elevator doors open, just so someone can hop right on. Today I turned to close the glass doors behind me and I saw Snuffalofogus walking across the parking lot. I dodged eye-contact. I prayed that the elevator would open immediately for me, and DING, it did! As soon as I got inside, I knew he was entering the building. *Door Close.* Nothing. SHIT! *Door Close.* *Door Close.* *Door Close.* *Door Close.* DING - DOORS CLOSING! Ahh I had made it. Closed them just in time for him to reach his hand out and try to catch it but a second too late. I rode up with a grin on my face. Because I"m compassionate like that.

New Growth

I've got this spot and it's continuously growing. As the size increases, it's becoming more and more contagious.

My bloggernet is totally expanding and I love it! Slowly but surely, Blogspot is making a strong representation in my social circle. I still love how everytime I write 'blog,' it's caught by my spell checker. What the crap is a blog anyway?

Check out my new Bloggin Buds!!!

Rebecca - Words From The Wideners - www.wackywideners.blogspot.com

Nancy - Just Me and My Boys - www.ourearlyrisers.blogspot.com

Aimee - Scrap Art by Aimee - www.scrap-artbyaimee.blogspot.com (Cute kid art)

Nanny Reg - Reggi's Rumors - www.reggisrumors.blogspot.com

Jen B. - We know you're out there. We're waiting for the Bergman Blurbs to be established! :)

Also, please be sure to visit Cara's sweet business site: www.oh-sospoiled.blogspot.com. She's extremely talented and will create any personalized art you need. Maybe if she gets enough projects for the summer, she won't need to teach summer school! (Hey Cara! Can't wait for our frosty bevs soon! Christy, please come in town sooner. I need my teacher reunion NOW!)

To Infinity and Beyond

And the journey continues. Marty moved from Robinson to Temple this weekend so that he would have a shorter commute to work. I drove down Saturday morning to assist in the process, which overall wasn't too bad. Since his parents and his buddy Pooch were also there to help , we got it knocked out pretty quickly. That doesn't mean that my body doesn't ache from the insane amount of trips we made up and down 3 flights of stairs.

I don't necessarily think he will need to let his neighbors know that he has moved in, as I'm pretty sure he's absolutely the only person who has moved into that complex using a very large, very red horse trailer. Move over U-Haul! If the neighbors weren't home in time to see that production, they couldn't have missed the nature exhibit being hauled upstairs. I think I'm done moving deer antlers, turkey feathers and snake rattles for quite some time! Oh, wait, I can't forget relocating Frank, Bob, Gata McGee and Boudreaux! :) You probably don't know who they are...it's a pretty elite social circle. *Special shout out to Frank the Tank!*

That all brings me to our adventures at Bed Bath & Beyond. Marty wanted to go shopping for new bedding once everything was settled in, so we gathered up several 20% off coupons and off we went. He had never been to Trip B, and it was about as entertaining as watching a kid in a candy store. He fell in love with the kitchen section and didn't know they had so much stuff. Sure, sure - it can be overwhelming at first, but the comedy didn't cease the entire time we were there. Of course, I nearly positioned myself upside down in a clearance basket digging for all the spectacular bargains, and he kept admiring the selection. Don't judge me, I really appreciate a real good deal!
Once we had collected all the clearance bedding items I could find, we moved on to find a coordinating shower curtain and bathroom accessories. We found shower curtain rings and he was about beside himself when he saw that they were only $12.99. He said the last set he got were $45 because he got them from Dillards. Freaking Dillards. Who does that? He said he didn't know anywhere else to go. On the other hand, I was actually quite surprised he didn't say he got them at Wal-Mart for $4. We rounded our way back to the front of the store, where we approached a young couple registering with a scanning gun. He dumboundedly looked back and forth between them and me and then asked "Are they like secret shoppers or something? Is that what you do when you're a Mystery Guest?" I lost my shit over that. I informed him that rather than being secret shoppers, they were registering. "Registering? For What?" Um....their wedding?!?!?! Oh, silly country boy!

I also taught him how to utilize the system to the fullest. You can use 5 coupons per transaction at BB&B, but since we had more than that, I told him that I was going to go right behind him with the other stuff and use my coupons' worth too. He's in my "Not Cheap. Smart!" boot camp.

Follow Up

The finale to the last part of my previous post. So after being stalked, I gave in and allowed the dude 15 minutes of my time to discuss his experience with me. I scheduled a time for him to come in today, and when he arrived, I got a call from my receptionist letting me know he was here. I sent her an instant message to get the scoop on him before I went to the lobby and since he couldn't tell what she was doing, she told me.

First of all, he asked for Ms. Spankya. I knew it, he's in love with me! Whatever kind of interview he thought he was coming on (seriously, that wasn't an intentional pun,)today probably didn't turn out the way it did in his wild fantasies. FREAK!

Anyway, so he shows up dressed pretty professional. Nice loafers, dress slacks, white button down with a sportcoat, but his white shirt was totally untucked. That easy-going, cool, milk chocolate GQ look didn't really flow well. But the kicker is...GUM. GUM! I'll admit that I've sat in a lobby of an interview or an important meeting with gum in my mouth and I have almost died trying to swallow it in time. Okay, so that's one thing if you forget and are trying to conceal it. It's another when you're chewing it like nobody's business. But it's the absolute best when he asks..."I'm sorry, do you mind my gum?" Of course I totally lied and said it was fine. "Okay good. I didn't know if my smacking was getting on your nerves or not."

...And we've got a winner!

Ice Ice Baby, Too Cold, Too Cold!

Maybe I'm paranoid, maybe I'm just an introvert, or maybe and most likely, I'm just an unfriendly, frigid bitch with a cold shoulder that really appreciates personal space. I just want to know what is with the creeps that somehow work themselves into my life?

I sometimes complain about how I am so secluded from people while working, but now I shut my door to keep all intruders out. I would much rather leave it open so I could see human interaction as it passes by my office, but I guess in this day and age...it's just not safe. A douche that offices down the hall from me, aka Snuffalofogus (dude, seriously if you saw him, you'd totally understand...) seems to think he can get all up in my weave and stuff. When he first moved into his office, he taunted everyone with introductions, greetings and networking speeches. He interrupted me during a big project to introduce himself and I told him I'd come by later when I got a chance to give him one of my business cards. When I had built up enough courage to head down his way and offer up any sort of line of communication, I was informed that he had already gotten one of my business cards. FROM WHERE? Don't worry, when I wasn't in my office, he came in and helped himself to one. He also wanted to let me know that he was generous enough to leave me his card, but not on my desk...in my chair! WHAT? So he walked around the back of my desk (which I totally think is off limits to outsiders,) pulled my chair out from my desk and placed it in my seat. I wonder what the hell else he was doing back here? C'mon now, we all know I don't work THAT hard and my desk is hardly full of crap, so I'm pretty sure I would have found it if he just laid it on the corner closest to the door or hell, even on my keyboard...but walking around my desk is NOT COOL!

Since then, I possibly might not be even as mean to a serial murderer as I am to him when he tries to talk to me (partially because I've witness first-hand what happens when you let him think you're pals,) but for some reason he doesn't back off. The other day I was walking from Colby's office back to mine and I hear that irritating voice that gives me a slight twitch calling my name. "Lane is it? Well I bought a package of that green tea you like and I'm just not very fond of it. Would you like the rest of it?" We all know I have a little Jew in me that I'm not quite sure where it comes from, but I'll kindly accept unopened packets of tea (I'm dreading to see what he thinks that meant.) But needless to say, HOW IN THE HELL DOES HE KNOW WHAT KIND OF TEA I KEEP IN MY SNACK DRAWER? Freaking stalker! As soon as I reached my office, I called Colby to tell him, but before I could even get the words out, he had asked what that weird interaction he just overheard was. He's got my back for sure!

I don't just have creeps circling me at work, because I definitely can't forget the 47-year old geriatric stranger that tried to kiss me out of the blue while having a casual conversation at the bar of PF Changs. For those that haven't heard this story, it definitely needs to be told/demonstrated in person. Let's just say that it was a close call, but luckily I dodged it with my quick reactions. FYI - the surface of the bar happens to smell like edomome and ginger, and it's solid enough to give you a bruise on your forehead if hitting it at a certain speed!

Finally, I have a system I use at work. I review your resume. I like or dislike you. If I happen to like you, I will email you to set up a quick 15 minute interview at a time that I suggest, but that will also fit in your schedule. Most people understand this process and don't just assume that as soon as I respond with a positive message, that they should show up at my door. Within 22 minutes of reviewing a potential candidate's resume, I had an email response saying he was interested in meeting, 1 voicemail saying he was waiting at his computer for my response, 2 emails asking where we were located and how to get to my office from his house, and finally a last voicemail saying he figured out where we were located and he'd be at my door in 5 minutes. WHAT? I was thinking maybe scheduling something for the following week, not in 22 minutes. 22 MINUTES. I mean, like I said, I don't work that hard, but I definitely have enough blog-stalking to do to keep me occupied for at least 3 hours before I can respond to you, much less meet with you! I unfortunately had to tell my receptionist that if he came up here, she needed to let him know that I was in a out-of-office meeting or a conference call or something. I'm slightly hesitant to meet with someone who is that eager (also read as desperate) to meet me for a job. Or maybe he is just totally in love with my sweet interweb picture.

PS - I was browsing Photobucket for a picture of bastard-repellant mace to enhance this blog, and while I couldn't find a suitable image, I did happen across this phenomenal gem. Tight fade!

Damn You Katrinka!

First you jack with my peoples, now you come after me.

I was happily snoozing on the couch last night at 3:45 when I heard the sudden emergency warning come across the tv before everything suddenly shut off. All hell broke loose, Robyn & Trey came running down the stairs and we had to barricade ourselves underneath my stairwell. We had blankets, pillows, water, flashlights, candles and we were blocked in by my big overstuffed chair. I have never been so scared in my life. The reports said that the winds reached 87 MPH and they couldn't positively identify a tornado touching down, but I'm willing to bet it was a small one.

Once it was all over with, I was way too jittery to go back to sleep, not to mention couldn't avoid the never-ending police, fire and ambulance sirens that were driving all around my neighborhood. Don't forget the ridiculous car alarms. I never really fell back asleep because I was to nervy and the noises never stopped. I had a hard time leaving my house and probably won't be at work tomorrow, if I'm lucky enough to get my insurance company out soon enough to come look at the damage.

These pictures are from my small little community circle and the intersection right outside my entrance.