Maybe I'm paranoid, maybe I'm just an introvert, or maybe and most likely, I'm just an unfriendly, frigid bitch with a cold shoulder that really appreciates personal space. I just want to know what is with the creeps that somehow work themselves into my life?
I sometimes complain about how I am so secluded from people while working, but now I shut my door to keep all intruders out. I would much rather leave it open so I could see human interaction as it passes by my office, but I guess in this day and age...it's just not safe. A douche that offices down the hall from me, aka Snuffalofogus (dude, seriously if you saw him, you'd totally understand...) seems to think he can get all up in my weave and stuff. When he first moved into his office, he taunted everyone with introductions, greetings and networking speeches. He interrupted me during a big project to introduce himself and I told him I'd come by later when I got a chance to give him one of my business cards. When I had built up enough courage to head down his way and offer up any sort of line of communication, I was informed that he had already gotten one of my business cards. FROM WHERE? Don't worry, when I wasn't in my office, he came in and helped himself to one. He also wanted to let me know that he was generous enough to leave me his card, but not on my desk...in my chair! WHAT? So he walked around the back of my desk (which I totally think is off limits to outsiders,) pulled my chair out from my desk and placed it in my seat. I wonder what the hell else he was doing back here? C'mon now, we all know I don't work THAT hard and my desk is hardly full of crap, so I'm pretty sure I would have found it if he just laid it on the corner closest to the door or hell, even on my keyboard...but walking around my desk is NOT COOL!
Since then, I possibly might not be even as mean to a serial murderer as I am to him when he tries to talk to me (partially because I've witness first-hand what happens when you let him think you're pals,) but for some reason he doesn't back off. The other day I was walking from Colby's office back to mine and I hear that irritating voice that gives me a slight twitch calling my name. "Lane is it? Well I bought a package of that green tea you like and I'm just not very fond of it. Would you like the rest of it?" We all know I have a little Jew in me that I'm not quite sure where it comes from, but I'll kindly accept unopened packets of tea (I'm dreading to see what he thinks that meant.) But needless to say, HOW IN THE HELL DOES HE KNOW WHAT KIND OF TEA I KEEP IN MY SNACK DRAWER? Freaking stalker! As soon as I reached my office, I called Colby to tell him, but before I could even get the words out, he had asked what that weird interaction he just overheard was. He's got my back for sure!
I don't just have creeps circling me at work, because I definitely can't forget the 47-year old geriatric stranger that tried to kiss me out of the blue while having a casual conversation at the bar of PF Changs. For those that haven't heard this story, it definitely needs to be told/demonstrated in person. Let's just say that it was a close call, but luckily I dodged it with my quick reactions. FYI - the surface of the bar happens to smell like edomome and ginger, and it's solid enough to give you a bruise on your forehead if hitting it at a certain speed!
Finally, I have a system I use at work. I review your resume. I like or dislike you. If I happen to like you, I will email you to set up a quick 15 minute interview at a time that I suggest, but that will also fit in your schedule. Most people understand this process and don't just assume that as soon as I respond with a positive message, that they should show up at my door. Within 22 minutes of reviewing a potential candidate's resume, I had an email response saying he was interested in meeting, 1 voicemail saying he was waiting at his computer for my response, 2 emails asking where we were located and how to get to my office from his house, and finally a last voicemail saying he figured out where we were located and he'd be at my door in 5 minutes. WHAT? I was thinking maybe scheduling something for the following week, not in 22 minutes. 22 MINUTES. I mean, like I said, I don't work that hard, but I definitely have enough blog-stalking to do to keep me occupied for at least 3 hours before I can respond to you, much less meet with you! I unfortunately had to tell my receptionist that if he came up here, she needed to let him know that I was in a out-of-office meeting or a conference call or something. I'm slightly hesitant to meet with someone who is that eager (also read as desperate) to meet me for a job. Or maybe he is just totally in love with my sweet interweb picture.
PS - I was browsing Photobucket for a picture of bastard-repellant mace to enhance this blog, and while I couldn't find a suitable image, I did happen across this phenomenal gem. Tight fade!
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