If any of you ever wonder how one person could turn so royally, completely effed up, I'll take you on a little tour of how it's achieved. Pay close attention and take notes, you'll want to absorb every bit of this!
When Claire was a couple months old, I told Maegan to be thanking Jesus that her child did not look like me. She asked why, and I couldn't even explain it. However, I have found a picture that explains exactly what I meant by that.
I think my family was quite shocked at what I had turned out looking like, so they tried to 'cutesy' me up by dressing me costume and concealing my real identity. I can't really blame them, I probably would have done the same thing!
As I got a bit older, there was a little hope. I was turning a little bit cuter, and not nearly as hideous as before.
That, or I had a real bad complex and my parents bought me a hat to make me feel better. Apparently, I needed to wear it a lot!!!
Yeah, I think it was most definitely a complex. When the hat came off, I was left with THIS!!! An angled-chili bowl in the front, with a femullet in the back. Why mom, why?
I think this is when I first learned what type of boys I'd be chasing after during the time frame of 7th, 8th and 9th grade.
Although it has been edited in this picture, this is the first time I started showing my panties off on camera. Paris Hilton, I did this on camera long before you did! Where's my money???
After the panty-shot incident, and with this, I think is when my parents knew they were in for a long roller coaster ride of raising me.
Robyn claims this is when I learned to be a prostitute. Whatever, I was just trying to be a rockstar!!!
But this is actually when I started picking up on the trade of stripping. Hey, I like to start early and really give it my all.
I'm going to go ahead and say that it's probably a good thing there wasn't a huge market for 7 year old strippers, but that left me with a sudden identity change. It started slowly as I worked my way into more masculine things, such as sports.
Then I tried my hand at being a boy. And a hoodrat.
Then a rhinestone cowgirl. Pretty sure I sported this gem to my first Garth Brooks concert in third grade. FYI - I have never ever lived in the country!!!
Things kind of evened out later in elementary school as I started packing on the pounds and my teeth were growing further and further apart. Luckily, it was overnight that I had lost all my chub and turned in to an adolescent, and got my grillz fixed.
Remember when I once told the story of going to my 8th grade social with the 'purple' dude. (See that 'dark' picture above wasn't a lie...) Well, and remember how I told you he forgot to get me a corsage, so I had to wear a garden flower pinned to my dress. This is that time! I don't know what's worse. My 'corsage' ... or ... that sweet piece of spiraled hair down my face!
Suddenly, I grew up. I was 15 going on 30. This is about the time all the teachers at Williams HS were mistaking me for one of their coworkers instead of their student.
At 16, I really learned how to start spreading my legs well. Gross, y'all - I mean it like this:
Oh, young and innocent high school student.
Or, maybe not...
Remember, how that one time, for like one whole semester, I went to LSU? Well, this was then.
And then I moved back home...
And then I got really drunk that one night I turned 21.
With a few shitty situations and lots of growing up to do, the next four years have kind of been a whirlwind but tons of fun, nonetheless.
That brings us to the 25th year. Today, I begin the next 365 days of being 25 and I hope to continue to grow, to laugh, to have fun, to cry, to mess up a time or to, to learn, and to move forward, all the same as before.
Happy 25th Birthday to Me!!!
