Sometimes I too imagine what my Jesus looks like, sounds like, feels like, etc., but it still remains a mystery to me. One thing I do know for sure is that my Jesus has a strong sense of humor. More and more, I'm realizing just how funny of a dude that Man really is.
How I know my Jesus is funny:
1. The incredible, humorous situations I continuously find myself engulfed in.
2. The amazing circle of funny people I am surrounded by, and am blessed enough to call them my friends.
3. The fact that my daddy may quite possibly be the funniest man I've ever met.
4. The number of times I laugh each and every single day.
5. Because my family is so dysfunctional and off the rocker, to the point of it being huh-larious!
These are all comical blessings sent from God. Yup, I am positive that my Jesus is a funny fella, but he's also got some tricks up his sleeves. Sometimes I get frustrated, annoyed, irritable and then I stop. I look up, roll my eyes, shake my head and address Him. 'So, you've got jokes, huh?' I mean, what are ya gonna do? When Jesus throws out a jab, you've just gotta roll with the punches.
How I know my Jesus has jokes:
{ONE} I have been working on restoring my damn work computer now for months. Months, I tell ya. Ridding it of trojans/viruses/spam. Pair that with a copious amount of ID-10-T user errors, and you're left with nothing short of a migraine. I'd rather hunt landmines with my face than to continue on this journey of fixing the problem. Every single step I take towards improvement, results in about 20 steps backwards on a different route. Is this for real?
{TWO} I have more wardrobe malfunctions than anyone I know. I recently posted a FB status asking if anyone had such problems the way I do, and Kacy guaranteed that no, there is absolutely no possible way someone has issues as frequent as me. I did wonder if people think I'm exaggerating, until the afternoon after posting that status, I showed up to happy hour and Kacy goes "Um, Lane - two of your buttons are undone." Well, no shit huh? Half my problem is that I can't even see my buttons anymore. Does nobody else have to send out emails to friends asking them if your shirt was undone the entirety of your lunch gathering, or did it just happen while sitting, motionlessly, in your office? At this point, if any breathing human in Dallas has yet to have a peep show through my shirt, I might as well just flash them to get them all caught up.
And it's completely normal to unknowingly walk around your office with the straps of your panties hanging out the top of or caught up on the buttons of your pants, right??? Wait, no it's not normal? Okay, well then add that one to the list too!
Ever rip your dress seam right up the crack of your ass? Not that I EVER do that, I just thought I'd ask.
{THREE} Sunday evening, I invited a little mini-friend over to spend the night, since she has been begging now for months, and I wasn't going to work that next morning. (I stayed home from work yesterday, so that I could greet the AT&T technicians with warm lovies and give my bitter-sour goodbye kisses to Time Warner.) Now, I took this lil chickie home with me late Sunday night, thinking bedtime would be quickly approaching. I thought this through without realizing that it was Easter and the lil lady had more than a Willy Wonka factory's worth of chocolate and candy that day. Whoops!
On the way home, we were practicing her sight words from billboards and buildings as we passed. Then she'd make up some spellings and ask me what they spelled.
"Laney, what does k-o-k spell?"
"Umm, that spells cock." {shit!} "No, I'm sorry. Actually, k-o-k isn't a word, sweetie."
Once we were home and all situated, finally she fell fast asleep. Leaving me to myself, the dark and the silence. Since I couldn't sleep from 1:30 to about 5:30 or 6:00 in the morning, I was excited about the misconception that she would probably sleep until 9:00 or 9:30 (per her mom,) however I didn't quite understand it was a misconception until a few minutes before 7:00, when I heard her sweet little mischievous whisper:
"Laaaaannnneeeeyyyyy, are you awaaaaaaaakkkee?"
I instructed her to go back upstairs to get her cup, so I could make her some chocolate milk to have with her breakfast. On her little adventure, doing whatever it was that she was doing up there for quite some time, she maybe, just might have, kiiiiind offfffff forgot one important thing about waking up. When she finally realized that *teensy weensy little must-do,* I heard this crying echoing down the stairs.
"Laaaaaannnneeeeeeyyyyy, I need help! Help me, Laney."
Immediately, and completely freaked out, I rushed upstairs to see what was plaguing her and then I notice it. The statue of a completely still little five year old girl, with a quivering lip, staring down at her feet, that were drowning in a puddle of pee. ...ON.MY.CARPET.
Off the bath we go and I ask her to take of her clothes for me. She gives me a perfect go-to-hell look and informs me that there is absolutely no way she's touching her urine-soaked nightgown and panties. Guess who was left to do it??? And that is how my morning began. All before 7:30 in the morning. On my day off.
...Annnnnnnd this is all before burning two batches of bacon while making the lil lady breakfast, as I was simultaneously trying to help the AT&T guy with his questions, chasing the dog outside, (which the lil chica kept continuously opening the door and letting him out) apologizing to the neighbors for my unleashed dog pestering their leashed dogs AND THEN THE KICKER...having to instruct said girl to keep her dress down and stop talking about how she wasn't wearing panties, while in the presence of the cable guys.
After reflecting back on said events, I have come to a complete realization that my Jesus sure has an unconventional sense of humor, but is a funny Man nonetheless.
So, now it's your turn. What's YOUR Jesus like?
1 comment:
Hahahahaahaha! Good one!
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