Please don't be afraid to condemn my soul to hell for this one. I already know that writing this is the epitome of the Devil's work. Please forgive me.
Love,
Lane
Dear Salvation Army,
May I please give one simple suggestion, or request if you will... I highly recommend designating a special gift drop-off only parking area with a 15-20 minute time limit. This would be greatly appreciated by donors.
Thanks and Merry Christmas,
Lane
Today was the day I was supposed to skip right into NorthPark full of glee and deliver my heart-felt warm wishes and gifts to the needy. However, I have decided that while I am a complete bitch (one that must have forgotten the real reason of giving) for writing this, I absolutely dread NorthPark. I know that giving isn't always easy, and it's not convenient, but holy crap, my misery began sitting on 75 trying to exit Park Lane.
I do acknowledge that it is partially my fault since I chose to return to the Angel Tree mid-afternoon on the Saturday two weeks before Christmas, but seriously???
After spending 30 minutes in traffic, on one exit alone, then another 15 minutes in one block stretch trying to get through a light, I was more than ready to park this damn thing and get out on my feet. One little problem, I had a shit ton of stuff to carry. So I spent another 45 minutes looking for a parking spot around Macy's, but let me clarify that 45 minutes was not actually spent *looking* it was more of sitting in lines.
Approaching the hour mark of being confined to a parking lot without going anywhere, I decided to screw that idea and headed over to valet. The car in front of me proceeded just fine, but I had to break through the "Valet Full' barrier just to get yelled at. Dude, the very next car in front of me got through, why are they giving me shit? Sorry, the slapdick was driving a Ferrari, I guess my Honda Cervix doesn't get that kind of treatment. So I roll down my window andbitch kindly declare:
Look dude! All I have to do is drop of some freaking presents for poor people at the Angel Tree. This is what I'm going to do...I'm going to park my little car up front along the fire lane with my hazards on. Then I'm going to hand you five dollars, and you're going to look the other way. Got it???
So glad times are hard, because otherwise I don't think the only five dollar bill I had in my purse was going to cut it.
I park right in front of the Macy's entrance, unload my presents and head in. Well, S.A. asks that you not wrap any of the presents, but just put them in a red plastic trash bag they supply you. *Note to SA - get better quality bags!* So I'm hauling $400 worth of clothes, shoes and toys, stuffed into 3 plastic bags that are ripping with each step I take. Every 5 feet, I had to stop and readjust, restuff, and reassemble before moving another 5 feet. People just stared at me, in the middle of my path without moving. That crap in my arms was heavy, uncomfortable and just plain awkward to carry.
Excuse me. (Smile on my face.)
{Nothing}
Um, pardon me ma'am, may I get through please? (Half smile on my face.)
{Nothing}
Pardon me. (Tap on the shoulder. Or I may have rammed one of the toy boxes into her ass, but it's all the same.)
{Nothing}
FUCKING MOVE!!! (Who was that the little redheaded devil that escaped?)
Pushing my way through, I may have added "And learn to speak English while you're at it!!!" I'm just saying that might have happened....
Making my way through Macy's was just one obstacle, hitting the general public of the open mall was another. {Dear Jesus, please let me make it to the Angel Tree without cursing at anyone else. I'm just trying to do good.} Finally, I made it to the drop-off point where I was warmly welcomed by gracious volunteers. That made me feel better about my little experience. It also made me feel guilty for being such an ass. I walked back to my car, praising the Lord that was over, got in my car and and sat in traffic. For another 45 minutes. Another four letter word escaped my mouth.
Does anyone have some Christmas spirit they could lend me? I seem to have misplaced mine.
I do acknowledge that it is partially my fault since I chose to return to the Angel Tree mid-afternoon on the Saturday two weeks before Christmas, but seriously???
After spending 30 minutes in traffic, on one exit alone, then another 15 minutes in one block stretch trying to get through a light, I was more than ready to park this damn thing and get out on my feet. One little problem, I had a shit ton of stuff to carry. So I spent another 45 minutes looking for a parking spot around Macy's, but let me clarify that 45 minutes was not actually spent *looking* it was more of sitting in lines.
Approaching the hour mark of being confined to a parking lot without going anywhere, I decided to screw that idea and headed over to valet. The car in front of me proceeded just fine, but I had to break through the "Valet Full' barrier just to get yelled at. Dude, the very next car in front of me got through, why are they giving me shit? Sorry, the slapdick was driving a Ferrari, I guess my Honda Cervix doesn't get that kind of treatment. So I roll down my window and
Look dude! All I have to do is drop of some freaking presents for poor people at the Angel Tree. This is what I'm going to do...I'm going to park my little car up front along the fire lane with my hazards on. Then I'm going to hand you five dollars, and you're going to look the other way. Got it???
So glad times are hard, because otherwise I don't think the only five dollar bill I had in my purse was going to cut it.
I park right in front of the Macy's entrance, unload my presents and head in. Well, S.A. asks that you not wrap any of the presents, but just put them in a red plastic trash bag they supply you. *Note to SA - get better quality bags!* So I'm hauling $400 worth of clothes, shoes and toys, stuffed into 3 plastic bags that are ripping with each step I take. Every 5 feet, I had to stop and readjust, restuff, and reassemble before moving another 5 feet. People just stared at me, in the middle of my path without moving. That crap in my arms was heavy, uncomfortable and just plain awkward to carry.
Excuse me. (Smile on my face.)
{Nothing}
Um, pardon me ma'am, may I get through please? (Half smile on my face.)
{Nothing}
Pardon me. (Tap on the shoulder. Or I may have rammed one of the toy boxes into her ass, but it's all the same.)
{Nothing}
FUCKING MOVE!!! (Who was that the little redheaded devil that escaped?)
Pushing my way through, I may have added "And learn to speak English while you're at it!!!" I'm just saying that might have happened....
Making my way through Macy's was just one obstacle, hitting the general public of the open mall was another. {Dear Jesus, please let me make it to the Angel Tree without cursing at anyone else. I'm just trying to do good.} Finally, I made it to the drop-off point where I was warmly welcomed by gracious volunteers. That made me feel better about my little experience. It also made me feel guilty for being such an ass. I walked back to my car, praising the Lord that was over, got in my car and and sat in traffic. For another 45 minutes. Another four letter word escaped my mouth.
Does anyone have some Christmas spirit they could lend me? I seem to have misplaced mine.
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