Explanation...

Okay, okay - I know it has been *forever* since I have posted anything interesting (wait, have I EVER posted anything interesting???), and I can basically blame it on the funk I have been in for the past month.

{WTF is a funk anyway?}

I was hoping that I could at least rely on Lady Haydie to fill in for me, but he too has been experiencing an ongoing blah attitude, not to mention a recent bout of BCOD. He's in full recovery mode now, no worries.

Speaking of ailments, let me just tell you about my little injury I sustained last week. Every time I cough, laugh, or even move really, I have this excruciating pain in the right side of my ribcage. Not quite sure exactly what I did, but it's one of two things: I popped a rib out or I pulled a muscle.

If you haven't been up to speed on my latest Facebook statuses, let me inform you how exactly I managed to do this to myself...

...

I was eating a chicken wing!

...

{Excussseeee me, did I just hear someone muffle fatass under their breath?!?!?}

Because let me assure you that I am a calorie-over indulger, carb addict, greasy-fingered lardass no fat kid. Sure, sure, it seems almost impossible to choke on a piece of poultry, inducing a heinous coughing fit and resulting in a very serious injury, but that's why I consider myself extremely talented. These things are just like Mission: ImPossible for me.

Don't believe me?

Well, have you ever pulled a muscle or displaced a rib because you were gnawing on a bone?

Yeah, didn't think so...

Or, better yet... Have you ever broken your toe while floating the river? Like literally sitting in a tube, floating in your own filth at about 0.235271 miles an hour and actually snapped your toe bone in half?

...Yeah, didn't think so either.

See, like I said... I'm just talented like that!