I have stellar judgment.
Really, I do.
So when the doc said my bones are starting to look like those of an 80 year old woman, I thought to myself: Wow. I really need to do something to prevent any further damage, if that's possible.
So what do I do... ???
Two weeks after my diagnosis, I proceeded to run a quick 13.1 miles in New Orleans with my sister. The Rock & Roll Mardi Gras Marathon Series was too.much.fun with all the bands set up each mile, helping you keep in your groove.
However, have you ever been to New Orleans? Definitely NOT the best roads to run on. If the impact of a normal run on my knees wasn’t painful enough, each step I took was a sudden drop into an uneven crack, pothole or pile of rocks. Ouch!
Ok, ok – that’s it. I swear I’m done running. Biking it is…
Tap the breaks. I lied. I’m not done running, I still have another half to complete. Two weeks after the Nola Rock & Roll, it was time for the Rock & Roll Dallas race, which was advertised as ‘fast, flat and fun.”
Um… I have never heard more nonsense in my life. The first 8 miles were uphill.
That’s right, I said 8.
Eight.
Did you get that? E.I.G.H.T.
Incline.
8.
Uphill.
Oh dear Jesus, did you NOT just hear what the doctor told me?
…and you call this taking it easy?
I’ll show you taking it easy… it involves a couch, my sweats, a football game and a cold beer. {When you start seeing me develop a beer gut that hangs out the bottom of my Cheeto-stained shirt, just remember, I’m just following doc’s instructions."}
Finally, both halves I had already registered for were completed and I earned my 26.2 Musical Miles medal from the Rock & Roll Marathon Series. I’m real proud because that’s the only 26.2 mile medal I’ll ever have, split into two races, but nobody needs to know that. So when someone comes in my office and asks if I ran a full marathon, you really shouldn’t be surprised if I let them think that.
Anyhoo, I’m done running.
Done.
D.O.N.E.
Well….you know until I was summoned to do the Mud Run on the Trinity River Levee. 9 miles and 20+ obstacles of pure hell bliss. Ahhh….
It was probably a good 15 extra elle.bees added to my weight with all my water-logged and mud-crusted fatigues. Key word. Fatigue.
Okay guys, seriously … I’m done running. That worked my body out in places I didn’t even know I had muscles. I was also cleaning mud out of body parts I’m not quite sure I knew existed before then. Delicious.
What’s that you say? Warrior Dash? Totally forgot I signed up for that back in November. Well, I guess it’s paid for, so I’m in.
And with that my friends…I’m done with races. Well, until I get talked into another one. I just can’t seem to stay away.
So much for preserving my knees.
And about that Viagra ... pretty sure I don’t need any assistance with morning stiffness.
Or even 12 hour stiffness for that matter.
{In regards to the title, please reference: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ets0xkUk17Y}
2 comments:
Hilarious! Great blog. Can't wait for the next one.
I'm done commenting now. Fingers hurt.
Don't quit running, it's so fun listening to your pain descriptions.
Ok, now I'm done typing now. Starting to hyperventilate.
Hey, if that morning stiffness lasts for more than 4 hours, call your doctor!
DONE! D. O. N. E.
Raymon
Hey, I thought your big ole dinosaur brains signed you up for the RNR in Virginia Beach over Labor Day.
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