People Make Me Laugh

Sometimes it's a genuine belly laugh coming from the deep dark lumpy depths of my gut and other times it's just one of those 'shake-your-head-and-laugh' kind of things, but nonetheless - people make me laugh. Especially at work.

Like Cindy, the little girl who forgot to bring her homework one day and didn't get 'Student of the Week,' or Tommy, the butter-fingered kid who is riding the bench because he dropped the ball on the game-winning touchdown in last week's game, some of the candidates who contact me are more than distraught when their skills just don't add up to the position requirements. Just like any teacher or coach, the hate mail starts to trickle in.

I think I got broken up with today...by a candidate...via email. She didn't at least have the courtesy to do it in person. She thinks I have the power to control the decisions of my clients, and when she just isn't cut out for the job - she throws it all back in my face.
"I finally understand why people do not keep your e-mails. I have been told on several occasions from numerous candidates, to not apply and delete the e-mails. Instead, I am asking that you not include me on your e-mail listing and I will try to move on without being tempted to respond. "
Like any good respectful ex, I promise to no longer contact her, but I guess I should send her stuff back to her. You know, like her resume. Isn't that what happens when you break up? I just hope she realizes it's not me, it's her.

What about parents who stand up for their children through thick and then, through good and bad, through childhood and adulthood.
"A while ago I told my son to email you regarding information you may have been able to help him with. I think he wrote quite an extensive email asking for assistance. He mentioned my name in the email and I think he even said that I suggested he contact you. You NEVER responded to his email. I realize he may not have been (at that time) available for the work, but would be in the near future. In any event, I found that to be extremely unprofessional. I think that you could have taken the time to respond -- even if it was "I have no time at the moment" or "we are not interested," but to NOT answer at all...!"
Damn, I guess that's what I did wrong all those times I didn't get a job I had applied for, or didn't get an email back because the person I addressed was drowning in thousands of emails. Duh - I should have just had my mom email them and get them to understand that I NEED HELP! Who cares that, like her son, I'm in my mid-20s, because nothing fixes things quite like mom!

Different topic, but still people at work. I'm still laughing...at all sorts of stuff. I'd like to put a few post-it notes on some people's doors, personalized just for them. They would say things like:

• Whistling while walking down the hall, carrying the newspaper under your arm...not quite so inconspicuous! Dude, I know you've got to take a major deuce and it's going to be pretty explosive. Why do you have to advertise that? If you just would have walked normally, I would have no clue your stomach was about to fail from combustion.
• Raw ground meat and frozen green beans (that's right - un-thawed, hard green beans out of a bag) sprinkled with cod oil and sesame seeds may be healthy in some god-forsaken unknown way, but it makes me want to vomit in my mouth when I see you making your lunch.
• Please don't come out of the restroom without washing your hands, especially if your intention is to then offer me a tasty homemade cupcake treat. I totally appreciate the gesture, really that's super kind...but I'm trying to watch the amount of Hepatitis germs I consume. Kinda on a health kick right now.
• I like your office, it seems real warm and cozy-like. I'd love to work in here all day. And look at the pretty view you have out your window! WHY oh WHY must you pace up and down the hall, outside my door, screaming profanities into your phone while trying to make a deal?
• I get thirsty a lot. You see, I'm a runner and it makes me drink a lot during the day, therefore I keep some liquids in the fridge. Those are mine, not yours. If you too are thirsty, and forgot your lunch money today, I'll lend you 65 cents to get your very own drink out of the machine.
• Sometimes my tummy gets really upset too, however, I don't think I have ever treated the public restroom at the office as my own at home. In fact, I don't think I have EVER made such loud, echoing, rumbling grunts during any bathroom experience. Did you lose your air supply, holding your breath and squeezing so tight? I am so sorry you have to undergo that stress, but I don't think you're quite right. Maybe you should look into that...

Office humor is the best, isn't it? Well, humor outside of working is even better, but if I have to be here, I might as well be present with a big toothy smile on my face! And that's because it's healthier to just laugh than to be irritated with it.