Twas the Nights Before Christmas

I was so fortunate to have the entire week of Christmas off and thoroughly enjoyed the time to relax. Of course, I didn't do much except eat, sleep, drink, watch movies and an occasional visit with family friends, but the majority of the time I did absolutely nothing. I loved it!

Molly and Boudreaux came to visit me on Monday afternoon and stayed through Tuesday afternoon. We spent 24 hours being completely worthless, with half of our time occupied in the kitchen and half on the couch. Molly definitely enjoyed some much-needed time off after studying her life away for law school, and sweet Boudreaux was glad to have his mommy back!

Little Bou Bou got in a little trouble with me, however, when he decided to eat the corners off my wrapped gifts. Even Jessica stopped by for one more last night out before she births a sweet little girl on January 2nd. {If not before then. ;) }

Tuesday evening, we gathered up the troops and headed over to the Duffield's to spend a nice dinner and great story-telling with our long-time family friends. Claire even made a guest appearance as Miss Clause.


Wednesday afternoon, I packed a bag laundry hamper full of enough stuff to last me the rest of the week, gathered all the junk from under my tree and headed over to my parents house for the holidays. Funny how we drew names for the first time ever this year, and were supposed to bring only a couple of gifts each - but I still managed to fill up my entire car with presents. Mostly for Claire, of course!
Christmas Eve was such a great day, as we celebrated the birth of Jesus at church then engaged in a fun family game of Scrabble. {Is equape a word?} We also got a special gift that came a little bit early. Miss Claire has learned to sit up by herself. Of course, she only stays put for a short time before she faceplants into the floor, but she's still making headway.

Then it was time to drift off to sleep, dream of sugar plums and wait until the morning to see if Santa had come. Merry Christmas!

Egg Shells

This post has no point.

We try to do something festive each year - sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Last time, we attempted the Myerson Symphony Orchestra's rendition of The Messiah. Halfway through, my brothers ended up down the street at a bar while my dad and I tried not to laugh out loud as we watched a man sing like his nuts were tied in a knot, and the whole time, Molly gave us evil, disapproving-motherly looks.

We skipped any attempt at culture last year, but last night, the parents, Molly and I resumed keep the Christmas festivities as we headed to see the City of Plano Symphony Orchestra. We were pretty excited to go support the local orchestra and I always love nights out with the family.

As we're walking in the church, Molly comments on how large the building is and I simply stated "Welcome home to Dallas." Her response: "Yeah, where the churches in Texas are as big as the tits and hair." The whole be-quiet-in-church thing....yeah, not so much. We were all trying to mask our giggles.

Of course there was a Sing-Along portion of the performance and the Conductor invited the audience to join in and harmonize with the choir. Immediately, I felt three pair of eyes glaring at me and when I turned to greet those stares, my dad shook his head and mouthed "Do not sing!!!" Seriously? The family is absolutely embarrassed of what pitch might come out of my mouth, so I just sat there like a reject, the only one not singing.

I guess their reasons of embarrassment are validated pretty well though. Not only have I sung an entire song in church in my own made-up tune, but sometimes I don't really get the words right. I was probably 20 years old before I really understood that the verse was:

Gloria in excelsis Deo. Not Gloria in egg shells deo.

Okay, okay. Point taken.

Altoids

It was early April in 2000 and I was sitting with Brittany S. against the windows of the theater building at Plano East, donning our fabulous black spandex leotards, black spandex jazz pants, jazz sneakers and an insane amount of bobby pins in our hair. I was trying out for the Plano East Golden Girls, and Brittany was a year older and already a member of the Drill Team, so she was helping us prepare for our big audition.

Both Williams and Clark Drill Teams were joined together in the same building, and that is when I first caught glimpse of the most obnoxious thing ever. There were two girls from Clark practicing, one of which was sporting baby pink leg warmers and thought she was a complete sexpot. (Best thing ever - she got caught having sex at lunch in the school parking lot and got kicked off drill team, but that's much much later!) Totally out-of-control obnoxious, definitely never been told 'no' by anyone in her life, and just down right annoying. They were practicing their routine together and critiquing each other, so I figured the second girl (while not wearing pink leg warmers) must be just as heinous to be around.

Brittany and I were so grossed out by Pinkie and we just wanted her to sit down and be normal like the rest of us, so we started throwing Altoids at her. I honestly really have never been a mean girl, or at least not that mean, but this chick deserved it. It just so happens, that maybe the Altoids hit the second girl too, and she went back to Clark telling everyone about this bitch of a redhead who threw Altoids at her. As I entered my first year at Plano East, and I was mingling with all the other students that came from Clark, I realized they were all coming to the conclusion that I must have been the 'Altoid Girl."

Turns out, we became really really close friends and it's a never-ending joke about Altoids. We were so close, that she floated the river with my family, and my dad even had to bail her out of jail for underage drinking. It was totally stupid that she was there in the first place, and I think my dad even may have been arrested if he fought for Casey any harder. Needless to say, we love each other and love to laugh at all our crazy stories.

Well, a very bitter sweet event is about to happen - she's moving. To PHOENIX!!! I'm very proud of her for being so successful in her career and wish her and Brent the best on their big move, but we will definitely miss her so much! We decided to have one last Girls' Night In at her house before they moved, and it was definitely a night to remember. It was a dinner party, a wine party and a pajama party all in one. Of course, we showed up wearing the exact same jammies. Casey is not what one would refer to as 'domesticated' so it was pretty comical to watch her try and start the grill. She told us in her email that she was going to make us delicious grilled salmon (as long as someone knew how to turn on and off the grill.) Allison is a pretty skilled 'grill-er' and said she would be able to handle it, but unfortunately she wasn't too familiar on this particular apparatus. Therefore, Casey was on the phone with her husband (who is in Dubai) getting instructions while repeating them to Allison, who is trying to start the gas while holding a flashlight, and of course there is 9-month preggers Jessica, standing behind with the fire extinguisher. Don't worry, it all came out so good! While we're waiting for all the food to be ready, we're hanging out inside enjoying a varied selection of wines while we watched Amanda and Jessica compare baby bumps at 11 weeks versus 37 weeks pregnant. How sweet! Suddenly, we smell something burning, but we couldn't figure out what it was. The grill hadn't exploded, the oven wasn't on fire, so what in the world was burning? We checked our clothes - nothing. We checked our hair - nothing. Casey demanded that someones head wason fire because she smelled burned hair. Amanda jokes that maybe the cat caught on fire and we all shared a giggle. Immediately, the cat jumps down off the counter and scrams out of the room, which definitely caught our attention. Turns out, the damn cat jumped over a lit candle and singed all the hair on his belly. So sad, but so damn funny too! Pretty sure Casey is a little scared about having kids now, if she can't even keep from setting her cat on fire. Needless to say, it was a great night. We ate, we drank. We ate, we drank some more. We played games and chatted. We ate, we drank some more. And just for fun, we even lit animals on fire. I really enjoyed spending this night with the girls and am so sad that it will be the last one in a long long time with my dear friend Casey. We'll miss you, lady!!!

The Polar Express

I just love the story of the Polar Express and I really love how it travels through the area each year to ring in the holidays. This year, the Polar Express had a little special 'polar' gift to deliver to me. A teeny tiny bit of bi-polar Christmas spirit. Ahh, don't you just love the holidays!

Wednesday went down in history as one of the longest days ever. Ever! The cold foggy rain and a list of idiot drivers, paired with intense hunger and some explicit PMS tendencies, all after sitting on my ass and poking my eyeballs with paper clips for eight hours makes me a poor candidate for the Spirit of Christmas. I'm pretty sure when Molly opened the door at my parents' house that night, I gave her a good piece of my mind. I apologize for that sister. But my frustrations quickly went by the wayside when I indulged in a glass of wine, played with Claire, hung out with Molly & Maegan, won a fabulous 4 of 5 games of Aggravation, and was blessed with such deafening harmonious Christmas carols from Abby and Scott via telephone. Ahh, I was all cured. Driving home I was in the best mood (minus being a little nervous of all the fog) and quickly dozed off in to a peaceful slumber as soon as I hit my pillows. Until 2:30. My dumbshit neighbors think it's a real good idea to have friends over and blare their stereo on the patio at 2:30 in the morning. Um, hello??? It's raining outside. Idiots! These are my drug dealer neighbors, they're oh so pleasant. Yikes, my bi-polar disorder has returned.

Yesterday driving to work was borderline miserable, and work was excruciatingly painful. Thanks to Hayden though, I was provided with such amazing material, I was able to spend a good amount of time giggling through the day. What a roller coaster ride of crazies I am. I was so excited to watch the clock count down to the final minutes of the workday, and was pumped to get in my car and listen to some Christmas jams. And then I hit traffic. As soon as I reached my on-ramp. Profanities make another guest appearance. In four times the normal travel time, I reached my house, with no patience to spare. I pretty much ate and laid in bed the rest of the night. It was probably very dangerous for me to have any human contact for the rest of the evening.

Ahh, peaceful sleep and I woke up in a fabulous mood. I was actually excited to come to work today. It may be because we have our Christmas lunch, or because it's my last day before the holidays, or both - but whatever the case, I'm back to being just peachy. Top if off with a piece of pecan pie and a Dr. Pepper for breakfast - I'm all set and full of the seasonal cheer! Let's just hope I can stay this way for awhile...

Oh dear, dear bi-Polar Express, how I do love you so. But next year, save yourself a trip and bypass stopping at my house.

The Book of Beef

Last night I was uberly excited to have Robyn over for dinner, wine and the newest episode of Intervention. There isn't anything quite like getting drunk with Jan, the alcoholic. Female alcoholics are probably some of my favorite guests on the show, I don't know why. They come in second to Allison, the chick who inhaled computer air duster.

Sunday afternoon I made beef stew, but it wasn't quite right by dinner time, so I let it slow cook again all day yesterday and by the time we ate it for dinner, all the flavors were well blended. It was pretty good, nothing amazing, but a warm hearty meal for a cold night. Being as cold as it is today, I brought leftovers for lunch so I could stay out of the cold as much as possible.

So with my work bag in tow, I headed off to the office, very slowwwwly. First, let me state the importance of my 'work bag.' I bring it to work every single day, along with my purse, and it is an essential part of my job. I don't actually take any work home, nor do I carry a work laptop, so what is in my work bag you ask? Everything to keep me going through the day at work: Sudoku book; any book I'm reading at a given time; my makeup (although I never reapply - that's only if I even apply at all some days;) all my coupons and ads to browse through; a newspaper; all my electronic accessories (camera charger, phone charger, card reader, flash drive, etc.;) some headbands and bobby pins (of course;) stuff to take to the bank; bills; and whatever other personal crap I may find necessary to do at work. Oh and food. Usually food.

Today I arrive at the office and Dave from valet opens my car door for me, as he does every morning, with his lit cigarette so tactfully hanging from his lips. I grab my junk, head up to the second floor and unpack my bag for the day, only to find a little surprise waiting for me.

Apparently, I didn't secure the lid on my stew very well and it spilled all over my bag. I brought a new book today, one I have yet to begin, and it now smells hellaciously like beef and vegetables. Don't get me wrong, I love beef and vegetables, but I don't want to be constantly reminded of it with the stale smell excreting from my book. What's worse is I also had a book I'm mailing to Hayden for Christmas in my bag, and that too has a little something extra going into the envelope with it. Beef. Merry Christmas friend. I hope this book is all you're expecting...and more! :)

May I Take Your Order?

Yes, I would like an order of Fully Loaded Nachos without the guac and a drink.

Will that be all for you today, ma'am?

Yes, thank you. Well......hmmm...can you add a side of Fully Loaded Ass too? Thanks. Merry Christmas!

This picture does NOT do this horrific sight justice. I am forever scarred. I was indulging in some calorie-packed greatness, also known as Taco Bell, when I looked up in right in front of me was a very large, very Hispanic, very hairy ass crack. Ugh, I think I just vomited in my mouth a lil' bit reliving that.

Lost That Lovin' Feeling

Dear Jesus,

Please don't be afraid to condemn my soul to hell for this one.  I already know that writing this is the epitome of the Devil's work.  Please forgive me.

Love,
Lane


Dear Salvation Army,

May I please give one simple suggestion, or request if you will... I highly recommend designating a special gift drop-off only parking area with a 15-20 minute time limit.  This would be greatly appreciated by donors.

Thanks and Merry Christmas,
Lane

Today was the day I was supposed to skip right into NorthPark full of glee and deliver my heart-felt warm wishes and gifts to the needy. However, I have decided that while I am a complete bitch (one that must have forgotten the real reason of giving) for writing this, I absolutely dread NorthPark. I know that giving isn't always easy, and it's not convenient, but holy crap, my misery began sitting on 75 trying to exit Park Lane.

I do acknowledge that it is partially my fault since I chose to return to the Angel Tree mid-afternoon on the Saturday two weeks before Christmas, but seriously???

After spending 30 minutes in traffic, on one exit alone, then another 15 minutes in one block stretch trying to get through a light, I was more than ready to park this damn thing and get out on my feet. One little problem, I had a shit ton of stuff to carry. So I spent another 45 minutes looking for a parking spot around Macy's, but let me clarify that 45 minutes was not actually spent *looking* it was more of sitting in lines.

Approaching the hour mark of being confined to a parking lot without going anywhere, I decided to screw that idea and headed over to valet. The car in front of me proceeded just fine, but I had to break through the "Valet Full' barrier just to get yelled at. Dude, the very next car in front of me got through, why are they giving me shit? Sorry, the slapdick was driving a Ferrari, I guess my Honda Cervix doesn't get that kind of treatment. So I roll down my window and bitch kindly declare:

Look dude! All I have to do is drop of some freaking presents for poor people at the Angel Tree. This is what I'm going to do...I'm going to park my little car up front along the fire lane with my hazards on. Then I'm going to hand you five dollars, and you're going to look the other way. Got it???

So glad times are hard, because otherwise I don't think the only five dollar bill I had in my purse was going to cut it.

I park right in front of the Macy's entrance, unload my presents and head in. Well, S.A. asks that you not wrap any of the presents, but just put them in a red plastic trash bag they supply you. *Note to SA - get better quality bags!* So I'm hauling $400 worth of clothes, shoes and toys, stuffed into 3 plastic bags that are ripping with each step I take. Every 5 feet, I had to stop and readjust, restuff, and reassemble before moving another 5 feet. People just stared at me, in the middle of my path without moving. That crap in my arms was heavy, uncomfortable and just plain awkward to carry.

Excuse me. (Smile on my face.)

{Nothing}

Um, pardon me ma'am, may I get through please? (Half smile on my face.)

{Nothing}

Pardon me. (Tap on the shoulder. Or I may have rammed one of the toy boxes into her ass, but it's all the same.)

{Nothing}

FUCKING MOVE!!! (Who was that the little redheaded devil that escaped?)

Pushing my way through, I may have added "And learn to speak English while you're at it!!!" I'm just saying that might have happened....

Making my way through Macy's was just one obstacle, hitting the general public of the open mall was another. {Dear Jesus, please let me make it to the Angel Tree without cursing at anyone else. I'm just trying to do good.}  Finally, I made it to the drop-off point where I was warmly welcomed by gracious volunteers. That made me feel better about my little experience. It also made me feel guilty for being such an ass. I walked back to my car, praising the Lord that was over, got in my car and and sat in traffic. For another 45 minutes.  Another four letter word escaped my mouth.  

Does anyone have some Christmas spirit they could lend me? I seem to have misplaced mine.

Annual Holiday Tradition

Jennifer, CEO of the Bergman Headquarters has maintained a fun holiday tradition for nearly as long as I've known her. I can't even remember how many years I've participated, but I absolutely love when I get the invite each year to her Annual Christmas Cookie Exchange. It is such a fun night when we can all get together for a delicious meal, so kindly prepared by Jen, some sassy holiday beverages and of course, COOKIES!

Of course, there are rules. No cakes of any sort. Can't be store bought. Can't be made by anyone else. Can't be what you brought last year. So on and so on...
At the end of the night, we take a vote on the tastiest treat, but I have yet to win. I don't know if mine will be the tastiest this year, but I sure did put a lot of time into these dang things.

I made Peppermint Pinwheel Cookies, which are some type of sugar cookie sandwiches filled with peppermint icing. The recipe came from Southern Living, so they've got to be pretty flavorful. We'll see. They didn't turn out as perfect as the picture in the recipe, but I swear that was airbrushed or something because it just doesn't work like that.

First, I had to make the cookie dough from scratch, separate it into two equal parts, use food coloring paste to dye one part, roll them out into equal-sized rectangles, layer them, roll them up and freeze them.

That all took place on Monday. Last night, I retrieved my frozen dough and let it sit for a few minutes before slicing it up. While the cookies baked and cooled, I prepared the peppermint icing.

Time to fill with a yummy gooey center and smash together to make sandwiches. Then wrap them up like little peppermint treats!

And just like that...you've got some fun little treats to share with your friends. I'm so excited to see the selection this year!!!

Congrats Tammi & Jarod!!!

My sweet sweet running mate and pal Tammi, and her husband Jarod welcomed their first child into the world.

Blaze Riley Neil was born at 1:16 am on Friday, December 12th, 2008 weighing 6 lbs 13 oz and 20 in. long.

I can't wait to be able to meet this wonderful little man.

Every Time A Bell Rings...

I have to admit:

It. Is. A. Wonderful. Life.

Instead of exchanging gifts this year, I suggested to Robyn and Allison that we spend a night of quality girl time dining, conversing and doing something to give back since we are each so blessed in our own lives. What better bonding time than to help others as well?

We first enjoyed a delicious meal, bottle of wine and many laughs at Maggiano's. Yum!!!

Then on to browse the selection on the Angel Tree. It was so hard to pick, there were so many people I felt compelled to help out this season. I ended up choosing a family of three children: Devonta, 7; Destiny, 8; Jamarcus, 9, as my Angels this year. Their needs and wants were so minimal, and it really made me appreciate choosing them so much more.

Angels in hand, we hurried off to let the shopping extravaganza begin! I had so much fun shopping for these kids, but I still wish I could do so much more. All they want are some pants, clean underwear or a belt - it absolutely breaks my heart! I never realized this until this year, that there are older people on the Tree as well. I saw a 90 year old lady, and her request was a warm jacket and some slippers. I think I'm going back at lunch to get her too.

I was so excited to do this as my holiday charity, but there is a part of me that still feels empty. Unsuccessful. Defeated. I know I did my part, but I still don't feel like it was enough. Each time I do this, it makes me take some time to stop and think. I praise Him for all that he has given me. I am so thankful I have such precious gifts and my life, and I'm thankful that I have the ability to offer up some of my gifts to others in need. So $390 later, Santa's sack a trunk full of goodies, and a half-warmed heart, I am off to do deliver my presents. And maybe to pick up a few more Angels.

I know times are tough, but if you haven't given back this holiday season, I suggest you take a stroll around the Angel Tree, and see if there is any one face you can put a smile on for Christmas day. Really, it could even just be a $3.99 pack of socks!

Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow

Last night, the gals and I had every intention of acting like snow and getting plowed. Well, not Tammi, but you get it. Robyn suggested Snookie's since we like to try out different venues. Note to self - remember that Snookie's is smokey and has eardrum-bursting mega-death metal on the radio, but they also have cheese fries!!!

There was quite a group that planned on attending and we were all excited to have one last girls happy hour before everyone gets caught up in their own personal holiday plans. Or before one of us births a baby. Turns out, Tammi couldn't make the drive all the way from Ennis yesterday (good thing she's staying close to home, she's about to POP! YAY!) Jen caught the funk that has been going around, Sarah couldn't tear herself away from Fort Worth and Harris was just down-right exhausted. So that left Robyn, Kacy and myself to indulge in some calorie-packed snacks and frosty beers. We still had plenty of fun and lots of laughs. *Anyone interested in a Roast N Toast?*

When it was time to leave, we walked outside and saw that there were snowflakes in the air. I was immediately excited about it finally feeling like winter. We tried to take a picture of ourselves to capture the snow behind us. Do you see it? Okay, so that didn't work. We asked a guy to take our picture for us to see if that would help capture the falling snow. Do you see it now?
Alright, well...what if we turn off the flash? Do you see it now?
Dang it! I swear it was snowing last night. Robyn said we melted it because we were so hot. Okay, one last time...do you see it now?

I Can't Make Up Stuff This Good

From: Lane
Sent: Tuesday, December 09, 2008 1:11 PM
To: Todd ********
Subject: California Litigation Associate


Hi Todd,

I am a Legal Recruiter in the Dallas area, and I have a Dallas-based client with several offices across the nation, including an office in Covina, California. I am currently networking to find a 3-5 year associate attorney with a background in litigation to help support this firm in their Covina office. Any experience with mortgage loans, default and foreclosure is definitely a plus, but not required. The salary is negotiable for the ideal candidate. If you happen to have any colleagues that would be interested in learning more about this opportunity, please feel free to forward this information on and let me know. I appreciate any assistance you may provide in our networking and search efforts.



Have a great day!

Lane Stanga
Legal Search Associate




From: Todd *******
Sent: Tuesday, December 09, 2008 3:31 PM
To: Lane
Subject: Re: California Litigation Associate


Here are some pictures of me and my cat.

[Attachments: 230381764503_0_BG.jpg; BabyG.jpg; DSC00219.JPG]

Meet Me, Lane!

So my sweet friend Cara tagged me to post some random facts about me that may come as quite a surprise to you. (Okay, she didn't tag me directly, it was more of an open invitation...but I'm still doing it.) I've done one of these before, so I will try not to repeat anything.



1. Table settings. I am IN LOVE with table settings. Not quite sure where I got it, since we certainly did not have anything even remotely close to a neat and tidy kitchen table. Nor did we hardly sit down as a family for meals. But at my house, you can't use the table settings. If you want to eat at my table, we must first go through the process of removing EVERYTHING and getting generic white dishes. I don't know why I won't let people use my different plates, but it's something I'm working on. Might be my New Year's Resolution.

2. Sometimes I sleep in the closet. I have this little extra room in my house that was previously used as a storage closet, but it's way too good of a room to be used for boxes. I put a little day bed and desk and there and turned it into another little room. Well, the master bedroom in this house backs up to a strip mall and bar, so at about 10, 12 and 2 every night, I hear them dumping beer bottles into the dumpster. IT IS LOUD!!! So, I get frustrated and go into the closet to sleep. It's great...no windows, no noise, completely dark and cozy. You can totally loose track of time in there.

3. I can't listen to Kenny Chesney anymore. I absolutely cringe when I hear his voice, his name, or see his picture. Ugh! Ever since someone I know very well may or may not have had 'relations' with him (and I was in the next room,) he makes me want to vomit in my mouth!

4. I always wear earrings, no matter what. They could just be silver ball studs, rhinestone studs, pearls or the biggest gaudiest dangliest earrings on the planet, but whatever the case, I'm wearing some sort of earrings. I'm under the impression that it doesn't matter what your hair or makeup looks like, if you're wearing earrings, you can still look decent.

5. I'm missing a toe on each foot. Hah! Did that freak you out? Okay, okay, so I'm not really missing any toes, I have all 10. The thing is, I have enough space on my feet for 6 toes, and my dad calls my big toes my 'monkey thumbs' and is sure I can climb trees really well and swing from branches by my toes. You know when you go get a pedicure and they put those spongy spacers between your toes??? It always boggles the minds of the technicians as to why those things don't stay in my feet. Um, hello!?!? I don't need spacers! Also, I have to wear flip flops with thick straps, other wise the flops will just slide right out in front of me. Every guy I've ever even semi-seriously dated, my dad really doubts they've seen my feet, because he thinks if they had, they'd be running! Oh Daddy, they're not that bad. (I swear to sweet baby Jesus, if anyone comments on my toes, I will never share any good stories with you ever again. Ever!!!!)

6. I'm absolutely, beyond belief tone-deaf. That may be hard to believe, I know, but unfortunately it's true. I don't sing in church anymore, because my dad told me I wasn't allowed. One small mistake during Christmas carols (okay, a mistake that the entire congregation heard,) but is that really bad enough to ban me from singing completely?

7. My grocery list goes through several revisions before it's finally ready to be put to use. I first list everything I need. Then I mark the ones that I have a coupon for. Then I find the stores where each item is on sale. Then I total up how much it would be with sale price and coupon and make sure it wouldn't be cheaper anywhere else. It's color-coded, marked with symbols and in columns. It is ridiculous how much time I spend on it, but I love every minute of making my lists. I feel so accomplished. Geez, I need a life!


8. When I'm on a road trip, I constantly calculate how long I have left in the car. I will see a sign that says a certain place is so many miles away, and then I'll look at my speedometer and then calculate exactly how many minutes that would be. If I speed up two minutes later, I'll recalculate. I have no clue why I do this, I'm never dead on. Maybe it just gives me something to do. I also seriously debate with my GPS system that it is wrong on my ETA and that I am right. I am never right!

9. I am ALWAYS cold. Always. In the middle of the summer, I have my little space heater under my desk turned full blast. It's now winter and my heater is full blast, and I have a blanket over me and am wearing down slippers. Colby makes fun of me because sometimes I sit in my office with my coat, scarf and blanket...and if it's *really* cold, I wear gloves. I swear something is wrong with me.

10. This might be my weirdest quirk of all. I like to read the news articles about criminals. Then I get their name, and I do a massive search on MySpace or Facebook to see if I can find a profile for them. I wonder what the social life of a criminal is like. I want to know who their friends are. Then I look up to see if they own property through the county records, and I've found that usually criminals don't own any property. I want to know all about these news-worthy people. Is this strange?

Don't say it, I already know: I need a life!!!

I'm The Coolest!

*Beware!!! Intensive excitement in this post.*

After work yesterday, I rushed home in time to be in my pajamas and on the couch by 4:30. It was a tough deadline, but I made it with seconds to spare. During my very important snooze, I got a call from Mark & Maegan, asking if I wanted to join them at Snuffer's for dinner.

Um, duh!!!

So I put my jeans back on and make myself presentable (read: wiped the mascara from under my eyes, put on a headband and some chapstick.) They picked me up, and we headed to meet Barry & Cindy (Maegan's aunt and uncle,) who were already indulging in some frothy beverages. What is wrong with me - I didn't even order a beer. Just water. Who am I?

And what is even worse...the food didn't even taste good. Now, I may be fully congested on a continuous 5-day streak, have low-grade fever and feel like complete ass, but I have a hard time accepting the fact that I'm sick until I get an accurate diagnosis. And yes, Snuffer's not tasting good to me is definitely a credible diagnosis. I'm sick.

After dinner, we came back to my house to find a classic, Wedding Crashers, on TBS so M&M and Claire stayed for awhile. Is it sad that at 9:30, Mark looks over at me and asks if they were keeping me awake? I lied and told them no....

Today, has been an adrenaline rush, let me tell you. After my morning naps, I woke up and started organizing my new wrapping paper and ribbon/bows storage totes. Woah - step back! 

After all that excitement, of course I needed another nap - I was worn out. I then ordered twenty-six dollars worth of pizza and breadsticks to last me the weekend. I figured I'd stock up on food that takes no effort. I'm busy having fun, there is no time for cooking.

After two more naps and two more football games on the tv, it was finally the moment I have been anxiously anticipating for my entire lifetime!  Molly and I had a Macbook date.  It's Saturday night, 8:30 and Molly and I are barely getting through a virtual conversation without any coughing, hacking or sneezing.  She too is sick, at home in her sweats and on the verge of death.  After watching her blow her nose several hundred times, I decided I'd had enough fun as I was meant to have and exited out of the webcam.   

So here I am, on the couch, reflecting on all the wonderful memories of such a fascinating weekend.  For those of you who don't have lives, I apologize for rubbing my crazy frivolous adventures in your face.  

I Blame Molly!!!

So a few posts down, when I gave my fabulous expertise on hair tips to anonymous, I included examples of what a nightmare my hair can be, and I just realized it is all somehow connected to Sister Molly.

The first picture, we were giving a Stanga Sister Sandwich to the dude in the purple shirt that spilled his drink everywhere. I just cut those two out of it.

The second picture was on the Swamp over Thanksgiving of 2005 and Molly was sitting across from Daddy and me, taking our picture.

The third picture was taken as we were giving a Stanga Sister Sandwich to the random LSU fan that spotted us a whole bunch of money so we could scalp tickets and get into the game. (His wife was at home on bedrest, being 9 months pregnant. Think she'd be pissed?)

The fourth picture was taken in France, again posed up right against Molly's cheek.

The fifth picture...well Molly wasn't actually present for that event, but she was the sole contributor to the idea that sparked the Leprechaun saga.

So, from now on, if my hair looks like shit...don't tell me, {mom} tell Molly. It's her fault. It's always her fault, always was...always will be. That's the joys of being a little sister...always blame the older one.

Team Book

Yes, I reluctantly jumped aboard the Twilight Saga bandwagon and began reading the series. I denied the fact to everyone that encouraged me that I would like to read anything about vampires, but I was totally wrong. It wasn't necessarily the vampires, it's the amazing writing techniques Stephanie Meyers uses to keep you holding on. I'm only done with the second book and still have to read Eclipse and Breaking Dawn, but I am excited to begin those.

About a month ago, Danette emailed me asking if I would like to join her and the mommies for a night out at Gloria's and the movie theater. Um, black bean dip, margaritas, my favorite mommies and a movie - I was all in. Well, I've noticed plenty of blog posts reviewing the movie but keeping the secrets...Please note, I will keep probably let a few things slip. No, not probably, I will...and my criticism may be pretty strong, so please don't be offended if you appreciated the movie.

So Danette, Nicole, Rebecca, Ashley, Nancy, Amber, Jennifer and myself were all geared up for a night of fun. At the restaurant, we were discussing what we've read so far (that sounds so incredibly dorky,) and how we've been seeing these Team Edward and Team Jacob shirts around. While I like the romantic aspect of the story, the realist in me was siding with Team Jacob as of last night, and based upon what I've read so far.

It is a well-known fact that the books are usually much better than the movie, and this proved to be no different. I am no longer teaming with Edward or Jacob, the competition now is between Team Movie and Team Book and I am without a doubt siding against the movie. Seriously, of the eight of us who went to see it, all eight of us absolutely hated it. It was terrible!

I have such an incredible imagination (really, it's almost scary what kind of crap goes on in this mind of mine,) and you just can't recreate that at the cinema. It was slow, but on the other hand moved too fast. It cut out great chunks of the book, Bella's thoughts, which made everything so interesting. The love story in the movie was absolutely awkward. It just didn't work for me, and I didn't buy their true love one bit and it was terribly cheesy.

You're like my own personal heroin.

That line in the book didn't seem so retarded because it was followed up by thought-provoking questions and conversation. In the movie, it was the gayest, cheesiest line I've ever heard and all eight of us started cracking up and couldn't stop.

When Edward first revealed to Bella what he looked like in the sunlight, I imagined this bright glowing figure, either covered in diamonds or so dang bright that you couldn't even see him. Instead, it seriously looked like he borrowed his little twelve year old sister's glitter dust and puffed it over himself. Totally not like the book. Again, you can't recreate my imagination.

His special powers in the movie were too forced and supernatural. I'd rather read about the amazing things he could do, instead of them try to use all their special effects to make us understand how talented he was.

Some of the characters were not at all like I imagined them to be. For some reason, I would have never expected any of them to be black or Asian. I mean, seriously...I don't know of any black vampires. Well, I don't actually know any vampires, but if I did, they certainly wouldn't be black. And the characteristics of Eric and Mike were totally silly. They were trying to be modern and hip with their slang, but it just didn't do it for me. Rosalie - Not the phenomenal beauty goddess she as was described . Emmett - not as big, cocky and powerful as described. Carlisle - way too young.

Overall, I thought the movie was too modern, not detailed enough in the right way, too many added effects that didn't give Meyers' descriptive talent any justice. You couldn't pay me to watch that movie again, nor will I see any of the sequels. That is two hours of my life I can't get back, and it changed the perspective of how I viewed and will view the characters from here forward. However, I will continue to read the remaining two books because I am in love with the way this author writes.

I am so sad because Rebecca didn't get the chance to read the book before we went to the movie, and now she doubts that she will pick it up. She said it would be hard to force herself to read something when she hated the movie so much. For that, I am so disappointed and feel guilty that we ruined it for her!

Thank You!

So, I received a couple comments on my last post about how cute my little house is. Thank y'all I really appreciate it. I absolutely love my little home and really like to keep it obnoxious frivolously festive, so it means a lot when people also think it looks decent.

However, I do have to point out two things that will totally discredit me from any sort of domestic talent praise.

1. I bought my home almost two years ago (20 months ago to be closer to exact,) and while I had the very sassy curtain rods and curtains before I even closed on the house, I have yet to put them up.

2. Now, that's not to say I haven't tried to put them up, because I have. It was August I think when I finally tackled the project and began getting out my girly tools and measuring. I attempted to screw in the first hook, mount, thingy, whatever it's called and let me tell you - IT. WAS. NOT. WORKING! I moved it around a bit, then tried doing it in a different spot, all the while trying to conceal my first hole I made in my wall. In 5 minutes, I got so damn frustrated, I just stopped trying before I was playing connect the dots on the wall, and I still didn't even have a bracket mounted. (That's it, right? Is it called a bracket?)

So here, I am ashamed to admit that this is how the wall remains today. Please notice the arrow near the top of the right window...that's pointing to the bracket that still dangles from my wall, a mere 5 months later! It adds a nice touch, ya think?

Oh My God! {Cholesterol} I'm My Mother!!!

Confused about the title? OMG Cholesterol is my new ultra hip saying.

Anyway, it's true. I'm a mini Leslie. Yes, she's a penny-pinching cheap ass frugal, thrifty shopper too, but that's not what I'm referring to.

* {Throw Back} About 10 days ago, I went to dinner with Robyn and Kristy. I told them a story about my mom going grocery shopping at Albertson's on a Sunday evening. I was at the house visiting (for days at a time, like I've been doing lately,) and I see her run in the door, donning her Dallas Cowboys t-shirt. Then she came out wearing Mark's Dallas Cowboys jersey. First of all, my mom does not wear sports apparel, unless an occasional LSU shirt, but that's it! I asked what the deal was with outfit change and she tells me:

On Sundays when the Cowboys play, if you wear your Cowboys jersey to Albertson's, you get an extra 10% off your total purchase. Well, Mark's jersey was in the dryer when I left earlier today, so I wore a t-shirt, but they said that won't work. It has to be a jersey...how stupid is that. So I left all my bagged groceries right there at the checkout and told them I'd be right back. I'm getting my 10% off dammit!!!!

Robyn and Kristy immediately look at each other, then at me and simultaneously say: DUH LANE!!! That's of course where you get it!!!*

But I already know this, so that's not what I'm referring to when I say I'm my mother.

I finished my Christmas decorations, took one look around and realized that I alone have accumulated as much shit in two years as my mom has in her 30 years of winning Bunco gifts. This woman has more red and green storage tubs in her garage than I have hairs on my head.

Does my house look similar to last year? Mostly.

Am I going to post similar pictures again? Totally!

Holy Shit! Even my alcoholic's bowl is decorated...

Now all I need is a coupla hand-stitched pillows, a knitted Snowman throw, a sparkly Christmas tree sweatshirt, Santa earrings and some warm, homemade butter cookies and I'm no longer my mother, I'm the world's cheesiest grandma! Welcome to Maw's house!

Or, give me a silk blouse, some newspaper and yarn to wrap presents, a highball of Gin on the rocks, and some Aquanet and I'm my own grandmother! :)

Short Stories of the Sick & Heinous

Take a good look at this picture. Memorize it. Remember this face.

This is the face of some little monster who has absolutely no respect for her elder auntie. I stayed to hang out with her all weekend long: to feed her; to rock her to sleep; to throw her in the air; to take her on walks; to bathe her; to stay up with her when she was throwing a fit; to watch Barney...and do you know how she repays me? She gets me sick, that's how. Poor baby was the saddest little thing this weekend as she experienced her first cold. I was the saddest big thing the past few days because I felt like crap!

*A.Maze.Ing. Recipe*
Yesterday I didn't have much energy to get creative with making something to eat for lunch. I had absolutely no desire to get out of bed to drive anywhere for fast food. What I was left with was a decision that took all of 10 minutes to make, while staring blanklessly into the pantry. Thank you Kraft for mac & cheese. It did take a little effort, but at least I could lay on the couch while the noodles were boiling. So my noodles finish and I'm ready to mix in the cheese powder, butter, pepper and milk.

(First, let's throw back to Sunday night. I was savoring the delicious taste of Oreos and milk. I poured too big of a glass of milk, and I didn't drink it all (or use it all for dunking,) so for some reason (and don't ask me why) I put the rest of the milk in the glass back in the fridge. For later??? I don't really know.)

Okay, back to making M&C. Head to the fridge to retrieve the butter and milk and guess what. The. Milk. Carton. Is. Empty. A four letter word escaped my mouth. What the crap was I to do? Then, I spotted my glass of milk from the night before, and took about another 10 minutes to debate this situation...

Oh come on...there wasn't THAT much Oreo debris floating in the milk. And what person doesn't enjoy macaroni and Oreos? It's not like I can really taste anything right now anyway... So there you have it, a newly created dish: Macaroni and Oreo Cheese.

Don't look at me like that. I was ill. I can't taste. I had to eat.

*Trash Can. Night Stand. What's the difference?*
You all know that disgusting scratchy throat you get and all you can feel is drainage in the back of your throat, that causes a very long, sleepless night? Well, pardon me - it's gross I know, but if you don't get rid of the drainage when you have the chance, it then goes down into your chest and it's just all downhill from there.

With being awake All. Night. Long. I was very conscious of what was happening in my sinus cavities, nose and throat, so I took action in getting up and 'getting rid of it' in the sink. Let me tell you how quickly that got real old! Solution: trash can perched on the night stand.

Now, I've been known to spoon a trash can in my bed before, but that is usually after having a long night of frivolous fun. Last night, I had no fun. It was all business. Nasty, nasty business. And usually when I make out with the trash can all night, I feel better in the morning. Could I be so lucky today?

*Serious Work Responsibilities*
It came as no surprise that I woke up this morning feeling like complete poop. And when I say woke up, I really just mean when I finally put the trash can down and got out of bed to turn off my alarm. Once again I debated taking another sick day and staying home again. (Is it me, or does this illness make me debate a lot...?) Running down the list of all the things I have to do today, I realized it would be best for me to head into the office. I really shouldn't put these very serious professional responsibilities off a second day in a row. Things on my to-do list...

1. Finish addressing Christmas cards.
2. Record addresses in Contacts folder.
3. Make shopping list for Target: (red votive candles, two more strands of Christmas lights, wrapping paper container, one more storage tub, the list goes on...)
4. Look through Sunday's newspaper ads and clip coupons.
5. Finish book.
6. Start new book.
7. Order a birthday present.
8. Pay bills.
9. Order pictures online.
10. Write pointless, boring blog.
11. Watch YouTube videos of my cousin's new baby.

Are these all things I could have done at home yesterday? Of course. Could I have stayed home again today and still gotten all this done? Of course. But no, I am a dedicated employee. I had to return to the office to be productive. Sometimes my job is so demanding!

Tis The Season

Today, our Little Miss Claire turns 6 months old. What an absolute blessing she has been these first few months, and I can't wait to see how she continues to grow and explore the world around her. What better a time to celebrate this wonderful child then during such a joyous holiday season? She is yet just another string keeping the family ties so tight.