Sunday, March 29, 2009

Geeks On Call

If you dial 1-800-555-GEEK, I'm pretty sure I'll be the newest dispatch dork to assist you with all your troublesome techie needs.  

You see, I've had wireless internet at my house the whole time I've lived there, all of two years. My service provider is TimeWarner, {but we'll save my soapbox speech for another day} however, I haven't been completely, one hundred percent in love with the amenities and speed that they provide {UNDERSTATEMENT!} 

One day, while my computer was searching for all available wireless networks, I happened across an unsecured connection from my neighbors.  AKA - 'G Net'  Let me just say that the G is so much better than my dang connection, so there began my career as a criminal.  I was thieving interweb access from my neighbors.  Everyone was telling me I should just cancel my own service and keep connecting to a unsecured network whenever I could, however my fear was "what if those people move, or secure their network, or cancel it themselves?"  So, for that reason alone, I kept deepening the pockets of Time Warner, although I hadn't been using their services in well over a year.

With the ridiculous wind and weather changes that have blown in over the past week, I just figured my inability to connect to the G was due to some outages in the area.  The next day...still no service.  Instead of opening up Google in my web browser, it redirected me to a customer service page for AT&T, instructing me to call to resolve the issue.

I could only imagine how that phone call would go down:

AT&T - Thank you for calling AT&T Customer Service, how may I assist you today?

Me - Um, yes, my high-speed internet isn't working.  The web browser page that comes up tells me to contact you regarding my service.

AT&T - Ok maam, I'll be glad to assist you.  May I have your name and phone number please?

Me - Lane Stanga. 469.xxx.xx22.

AT&T - Ok, could you just verify your address for me?

Me - Sure, it's ...... xxxx sdgsgh road, xxx.  

AT&T - Thank you. Let me repeat that back to you.  It's xxxx sdgsgh road, xxx.  

Me - Yes, that is correct.

AT&T - I'm sorry ma'am.  We have don't have any record for a customer under that name and phone number, and our service map says that location isn't being supported by AT&T.  Are you sure you're a current customer with AT&T?

Me - No. I'm not.  Actually, you see, I've been stealing internet from one of my neighbors and suddenly  their service has been interrupted.  I was just wondering if you could get them up and running again.  I mean, this is really interfering with my blogging and such.  Do you happen to have a service technician currently handling the problem?

AT&T - Wait, you're not a customer but you're gaining access through one of our customers?  And you want us to come fix their internet, only because you can't steal it anymore?

Me - Yes, sir.  That is correct.  

{Crickets.} 

{Click}

So, I decided to forgo the call to AT&T and just check back every day to see if G Net was back to normal.  Two days went by and then I saw the moving truck.  At that moment,  I was praising myself for never canceling my own service, even if I hadn't used it in two years.  

I returned to search for available networks and of course, the only one I could connect to was my own connection.  UGH, WHATEVER!  So I attempt to connect, and guess what??? No connection.  It says I'm connected, but that is a down right lie. {Just like much of what TW promises to their patrons.}  At that moment, I realize why I began stealing service from my neighbors in the first place.  My connection was always jacked up.  

I was down-right utterly pissed, and mixed with an intense crave for some good blog material, I was determined to get to the root of the problem.  I racked my nerdy brain for all my tech-savvy tricks and did some real high-tech maintenance that many of you couldn't even comprehend.  With all of my knowledge and skills, I finally got my very own wireless service working again.  ...After two whole years!... Pretty sure Geeks-On-Call is jumping at the bit to hire me for such skills I demonstrated yesterday.  

What are those skills you ask??

I'm going to whisper it, because this kind of knowledge and technique is far to advanced for just anyone to attempt.

*i pushed the 'reset' button*

SHHHHH!

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