Why I Moon My Chair

This morning did not start off so pleasant. I hardly slept last night due to a continuous scratchy throat and a terrible sinus headache. Needless to say, I woke up (well woke up isn't the right term, since I never really was asleep, so...) I got out of bed fairly pissy. The usual thought of what the crap to wear today taunted my nerves, until I had a moment of pure excitement.

My brown dress! How could I have forgotten about my brown dress? I seriously hadn't worn the thing in almost two years, but I heart it so much. Still not sure how I've overlooked the thing for two years, but I am determined to sport this little gem today. Immediately, I press over it with the iron (you know, the iron I volunteered to drink water from during my debauchery last weekend...) all the while thinking of what fabulous accessories I could pair with the dress.

Looking at the clock, I realize I'm running super late. Good thing I didn't take too much time searching for a suitable outfit, otherwise I'd be really super late. I throw the dress on and realize why I haven't worn it in two years. Last time I wore it, the seam of the back slit tore a little bit, and I wanted to have it fixed before I wore it again - to prevent further ripping. Oh well, I didn't have time to change clothes, so I safety pinned it secure and headed off to work.

In mid-squat as my butt quickly approached the seat of my chair, I see something flying across the room out of the corner of my eye. It was my safety pin. SHIT! So here I am, white-trash remedy gone down the crapper, and I'm deathly afraid that the seam is going to rip even further, all the way up my crack. Standing up and walking is fine, but sitting down adds a little extra tension on those poor, poor threads. Final solution ... shut my office door and lock it, hike the dress up over my ass and sit in my chair. There will be no more pulling on the strings for the rest of the day!