Warning

Please don't ever send me an invitation to any formal event. I do not belong in public places. If you want your friends and family to maintain respect for you - don't introduce them to me.

It all starts with a glass of wine. Or 196572575 glasses of wine.

Then I steal a bridesmaid's bouquet.

Then I turn homosexual and dance with women.

Then I turn bi curious and have a threesome with my girlfriend and a Guatemalan orthodontist. I'm pretty sure I asked him to look at my teets teeth.

Then I turn back to the male preference and steal my friend's date and start dancing with him. He's a Chalmation - how could I resist?

So what does my date go and do? He steals the Chalmation's date and dances with her!

AND THEN that bastard goes and catches the garter. Seriously Yankee R. Sox?
It's time to get this all straightened out, so I finally get to dance with my date. Turns out, people from Boston don't really know how to two-step, so the dancing looks a little something more like this:

All and all, we had a great time. Thanks for the invite Amanda and Mark, and I apologize if any of our dancing could have been the least bit embarrassing. Although, I know it probably was. Congratulations and wishing you two a life full of happiness!